There’s a good chance that, after hearing the news earlier this month that Kid Rock is considering running for the U.S. Senate, you hoped it was all a joke.
Or at least just a very realistic nightmare.
But this is the reality we live in now.
After Donald Trump somehow became president of the whole entire country, any old celebrity feels like they, too, can achieve political greatness.
Even celebrities as dumb and trashy as Kid Rock.
When he made his announcement a couple of weeks ago, Kid Rock also launched a website — KidRockforSenate.com, if you hate yourself.
There wasn’t much on the site at the time, except for a link to buy some t-shirts, and fancy yard signs to let all your neighbors know what a piece of trash you are:
But now, the Kid himself has written up a big long statement, all about his intentions and his ideals.
It’s somehow even worse than you’re imagining.
To start, he explains that when he created the website, “I was beyond overwhelmed with the response I received from community leaders, D.C. pundits, and blue-collar folks that are just simply tired of the extreme left and right bullsh-t.”
And so, “as part of the excitement surrounding this possible campaign, I decided to take a hard look to see if there was real support for me as a candidate and my message or if it was just because it was a fresh new news story.”
“The one thing I’ve seen over and over is that although people are unhappy with the government, too few are even registered to vote or do anything about it.”
And so, since it’ll be a bit before the next elections for Senate, Kid Rock wants to focus his energy on getting people “engaged and registered to vote.”
That is, getting people registered “all while still calling out these jackass lawyers who call themselves politicians.”
So he’s just figuring out that there are a whole bunch of people who don’t vote, and he thinks he can change that?
Because those people will listen to the guy who gave us “Bawitdaba” when they haven’t listened to anyone else ever, is that it?
He goes onto explain that “while exploring my candidacy for U.S. Senate,” he’s creating a non-profit organization “for the promotion of voter registration.”
This way, he says, he can allow people to register to vote at his concerts.
He also says that he will “absolutely use this media circus to sell/promote whatever I damn well please,” because “many other politicians are doing the same thing, they just feed you a bunch of bullsh-t about it.”
“One thing is for sure though,” he adds. “The democrats are ‘shattin’ in their pantaloons’ right now … and rightfully so!”
Yes, because the idea of Kid Rock running for any political office is terrifying, and unfortunately accidentally defecating is a somewhat normal response to terror.
In closing, Kid says that his people are planning a press conference for sometime in the next six weeks, “and if I decide to throw my hat in the ring for U.S. Senate, believe me … it’s game on, mthrfkers.”
Serious question: how did we get here?
