As you’ve likely heard by now, Meghan Markle is pregnant with her first child.
And as you may have also heard, she and Harry are currently touring the globe on their first official royal tour.
Sources say Meghan chose to announce her pregnancy on Monday due to the fact that she knew she wouldn’t be able to conceal her bump as she spends the next several weeks posing for photo-ops with peasants.
Duchess Meg is already in her second trimester, and insiders say her bump was visible at Princess Eugenie’s wedding on Saturday.
She and Harry shared the big news with family and friends at the reception and filled the rest of the world in just 48 hours later.
So now Preg Meg is now free to travel and wear whatever she wants without some dusty Australian needling her with questions while fending off an eight-foot spider with his didgeridoo.
Yes, Meghan and Harry are currently Down Under, where they’ve spent the past couple days reassuring drought victims that God hasn’t abandoned them, despite the obvious fact that these poor bastards live in Australia.
(Just kidding, Aussies! Throw another shrimp on the barbie for us!)
Unfortunately, the next stops on their agenda have led to serious concerns about the health of Meghan’s unborn baby.
First, the royal couple will hit New Zealand, where they’ll probably be forced to pretend to give a sh-t as Peter Jackson gushes about some lame-ass Lord of the Rings trivia.
Then it’s off to Fiji and Tonga, both of which are still considered “Zika zones” by the CDC.
You don’t hear much about Zika in the news these days, mainly because it’s not much of a problem in the developed world.
But apparently, pregnant women are still advised to exercise extreme caution in Fiji and Tonga.
Insiders say Harry and Meg “sought medical advice” before the trip and decided the risks are minimal.
That may sound dicey, but to be fair, royal doctors are probably in a class all their own.
Harry can probably just pop in and pick out a new organ from his clone whenever he feels like it, then grab a handful of stem cells from the receptionsist’s desk on his way out.
The same genius who’s been keeping the Queen alive for the past century likely hit Meghan with a super-secret vaccine, and then everyone shared a laugh about how he could totally do something about Prince Charles’ ears but chooses not too for the lulz.
Nothing to worry about!