So Farrah Abraham … well, she’s sort of given us a gift.
And to be perfectly honest, you’re not even a little prepared for it.
A lot of things have happened with her in the past several months — her decision to get back into the adult industry with those webcam shows, and the way she was subsequently fired from Teen Mom OG, for example.
Now, in a new video she filmed and slapped up on YouTube, she’s telling the stories behind all that and more, in her own words, without producers or MTV cameras and without her trademark inability to communicate.
Yep, that’s right — there’s no Farrah word salad here at all. It’s very odd.
Really, it’s a 14-minute video in which she just talks and makes sense the whole entire time.
We told you that you weren’t prepared.
To kick things off, she tells the story of how she found out she was pregnant with her daughter Sophia — she went to Planned Parenthood to get a refill on her birth control, and they told her she was expecting.
“My mom used to say if I ever got pregnant, I’d be kicked out of the house, so I was more than scared to tell my mother,” she recalls.
But instead of kicking her out, her mother, Debra Danielsen, “was like crying and said ‘you know, I raised you to not kill something that’s alive."”
Which was apparently the discussion about Farrah’s options with the pregnancy.
From that, she says she learned “that what you tell your kids really affects them and how they communicate with you.”
Now, see, that’s some classic Farrah delusion — she’s talking like she learned some big parenting lesson about talking to your children when she’s out here telling Sophia about her porn career and inviting her along for her various vagina procedures.
Next, she discusses Sophia’s late father, Derek Underwood, who passed away in a car accident when she was eight months pregnant.
She says that event “literally crushed my life,” and she even tears up talking about it all these years later.
On the topic of Debra’s arrest — the one where cops arrived to the house and Deb answered the door with knives in her hands — she explains that it happened because her mother had accidentally hurt Sophia.
We’ve heard that before, but it’s interesting to hear the story from this newly coherent Farrah!
What happened was that Deb was going through Farrah’s mail, and when she got upset about it, Deb threw the mail, which included a package, and it landed on Sophia, who was in her car seat at the time.
When Sophia started crying, Farrah admits she “snapped,” so she took her baby to a different room, and when she went back Deb started throwing the mail at her.
So to “break that cycle of abuse,” she called the police, and we know the rest.
For a while, Debra wasn’t allowed to be around Sophia at all, but after Derek’s mother took Sophia from a babysitter and somehow traumatized her — Farrah says “for two days she was traumatic” — she dropped the case against her and they became close again.
Elsewhere in the video, she talks about how difficult her childhood was, how her parents had a terrible relationship and also how her family was racist and wouldn’t let her be friends with anyone who wasn’t white.
She ended up getting baptized at one point, but then immediately after that she says that she found herself hanging with a lot of porn stars and drug users, and that she still doesn’t know how she ended up in that scene.
She says that she was “very vulnerable” at that time, and that being a porn star is not who she is.
“I’m sick and tired of trying to be so perfect to make the right choices,” she says through tears, “and there’s times when I was like ‘is God real, why is this happening to me?"”
But in the end, she says that all those struggles brought her closer to God, because “God was really the only person there through some crazy stuff.”
She finally breaks down here — she’s always said that she experienced some really horrific things around the time she made her sex tape.
On the topic of plastic surgery, she reveals that “I really beat myself up about my body,” and that she was able to find doctors who “will do whatever you want,” but that “sometimes it’s too much.”
“I found myself so insecure,” she admits. “I would literally stare at my face so much every day. That ate me up.”
“When you’re a shattered woman and picked apart to the core and you’re just people pleasing … I was falling apart.”
About being fired, she says that the crew had turned on her when Teen Mom first came back on the air, after her sex tapes, and that it was hurtful because she’d known most of them since the 16 and Pregnant days.
“I was always the villain,” she complains, because every time she filmed producers would “poke” and “push” her.
In another particularly tragic moment, she discusses Debra again and how much she loves her, but that Deb has told her “that I don’t love her and I don’t know what love is, I don’t have that in me.”
In closing, she says that she wants so much to break that kind of cycle for her daughter, and that she wants to be “an influencer that influences change.”
What a roller coaster of emotions, right?
It’s clear that Farrah has been through a lot, and that she’s still trying to work through all that. It doesn’t excuse the seriously awful things she’s said and done, but it does help explain it a bit.
Also, if she’s capable of communicating as clearly as she does here, then why has she made us suffer for years?
