It’s only been three months since Kate Middleton welcomed her third child, but if a new report from Life & Style is to be believed the Duchess of Cambridge is already expecting her fourth.
Mind you, that’s an if that would give Big Ben a run for its money in the size department.
The tabloid’s claim is based on specious evidence gathered by sources who have noticed things like Kate is eating food and wearing pants.
“Those close to Kate are saying she’s pregnant with baby number four,” one “insider” claims.
“Kate is showing all the signs of pregnancy, and she and William have always said they wanted four children to complete their family. Actually, William would like five kids — but Kate thinks four is enough!”
Yes, the Royal Willie shows no signs of slowing down, but we still have a hard time believing Kate is knocked up again, just three months after giving birth.
That said, a set of Irish twins would be a good way for Kate to honor the part of that island that remained loyal to the crown, and she has spoken about wanting her kids to be close in age.
“It’s important to Kate for her own children to have a similar bond with their siblings, and she knows it’s more likely to happen if they’re close in age,” says the source.
Another supposed sign that Kate is in a family way is the fact that she skipped a recent birthday celebration for Prince Charles — but there are several possible reasons for that.
Maybe Kate was still hungover from Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding.
Maybe she’s stick of this weird royal custom of people their celebrating birthdays whenever they feel like it.
(Charles was born in November, but his birthday party’s in May?! WTF is that?)
Perhaps she just (rightly) believes that Charles is a lame-ass.
Whatever the case it seems the clearest indicators that Kate is expecting are her fashion and culinary choices.
“One of the reasons for her not attending was that she was exhausted and felt sick,” the source claims.
“She’s wearing loose-fitted clothing again, avoiding alcohol, and craving curry, which she often does when she’s pregnant.”
Yes, apparently “curry and biscuits” are Kate’s main pregnancy cravings.
Now, we’re assuming the source means “biscuits” in the British sense.
In America, we call them “cookies” because that’s what they’re called.
What’s less clear is if Kate is eating those two items separately, or if she’s combining them.
Now, if she’s crumbling up Oreos and mixing them with her tikka masala, then Kate is either George III-level psychotic, or stoned out of her gourd.
Frankly, either possibility would make for a more interesting story than her being pregnant again.