Do you ever wonder what’s up with kids today – what, with their sexting, and their Snapchat, and their … their baked Italian casserole dishes?
Yes, proving once again that she’s both an innovator and a taste-maker, Kylie Jenner has combined social media, semi-nudity and lasagna in one of the most random-ass Snapchat stories in history.
Things started off routinely enough, with the sort of EDM soundtracked narcissism that Kylie is known for:
After that, however, things took a turn for the weird, as Kylie pulled a Walter White and decided to cook in her underwear.
Okay, so she didn’t completely strip down to her skivvies, a la Heisenberg, but this definitely isn’t the sort thing you see in your grandmother’s kitchen.
And if it is, your grandmother has some serious boundary issues:
Here, Kylie seems to be saying:
“Yawn, I just woke up from a dream where I was modeling sexy athletic wear, hence my casual, yet revealing attire. Did you know I recently signed an endorsement deal with Puma?
“Anyway, what are you doing in my kitchen, Mr. Photographer? Oh, you want to take my picture? Sigh, if you must.”
In this one, she’s all:
“Hey, all that photography must be making you hungry. Why don’t I whip something up while posing in various states of undress?”
In the pic below, Kylie proves she has an incredibly keen understanding of how the male mind operates:
She’s stripping down while almost subconsciously implanting thoughts of food into your brain.
If she had a beer in her hand and NFL Sunday Ticket on a TV in the background, this photo would cause men to slip into a trance-like state from which they might never recover.
Then, in case there was any doubt about what she’s really serving up here, Kylie hits us with this gem:
Yes, you’ve seen Kylie’s ass many, many times before, but have you ever seen it with the word “lasagna” written on it?
Possibly, if you had a really weird sex dream after eating too much cheese before bed, but that’s it.
So what’s to be learned from this slideshow of sex and Mediterranean cuisine?
Well, we certainly didn’t glean any knowledge about how to make lasagna, but we were reminded of one very important thing…
When it comes to marketing and manipulation, Kylie is like Don Draper combined with Sigmund Freud combined with dat ass.
One day, when she fully masters her powers, Kylie will occupy the highest office in the land after winning 100 percent of the popular vote in an uncontested election.
Then she’ll probably take a bunch of spread-eagled selfies in the Oval Office or something.
We’re not really sure what her endgame is.