Nicole Kidman is an extraordinary actress and almost aggressively inoffensive.
Keith Urban is a man whose last name is at total odds with his brand.
Together, they make a sort of unexpected but usually pleasant couple.
At least, they used to, because it sounds like they just cannot reach an agreement.
According to Life & Style, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are fighting over where to live and raise their daughters, ages 6 and 8.
And, honestly, that’s such a mundane, normal total disagreement for a couple to have.
The specifics are a little off. See, as easy as it might be to forget, Nicole is an Aussie.
“Nicole wants to move back to Australia so they can raise their children among family, but Keith is opposed to leaving Nashville because his career is there,” says an insider.
Keith Urban, who we’re almost positive is a different person from Toby Keith, is also from Down Under — but likes living in Nashville.
“Keith tours at casinos and state fairs, and he performs at award shows, so he wants to stay in the States,” the insider shares. And, you know, that makes sense.
Apparently, this is testing the limits of their relationship.
“They’ve been having this argument for almost two years now. It’s taking a toll on the relationship.”
We love Nicole Kidman, but her belief that the girls would be better off growing up in Earth’s Florida has us scratching our heads.
There’s the infamous wildlife. Wasn’t there just recently an article about a man who was bitten by a spider while visiting family and lost two limbs because of it?
Forgetting saltwater crocodiles and shark attacks and venomous snakes and rule-breaking spiders that dare to be both huge and venomous, there’s magpie season, when every day is Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds and the people of Oz just sort of … accept it.
Speaking of seasons, Australia is also an overheated hellscape where “fire season” is a thing.
Even if you take out all of the dangers and discomforts — because hey, every country has their shares of those — Australians, more than any other English-speakers, have a knack for throwing out perfectly good words and replacing them with ridiculous ones.
So if you don’t want to slip on your tracky-dacks, head over to Maccas, and accuse someone of coming the raw prawn with you — which is not a sex position, we checked — then Australia may not be the place for you.
And probably not for your kids, either.
Which is not to say that we’re taking Keith Urban’s side. Nashville might have a television show named after it, but it’s not necessarily paradise.
It’s in Tennessee. We’ve been there a few times, and those times were enough. There are some lovely people, sure, but Tennessee is the answer to the age-old question: “What if North Carolina, but without beaches or swing state status or multiple world-class universities?”
But, you know, more country music.
Maybe Nicole Kidman likes country music so much that she married it, but we can see how living in Nashville might get old after a while. We can also see how she’d want her children to grow up in a different culture.
Come to think of it, maybe Nicole Kidman’s only feeling homesick for Australia because she’s not experiencing what the US has to offer. She’s wealthy and famous and could live anywhere.
Whatever they decide, Nicole’s no stranger to relationship issues.
Remember, she was married to Tom Cruise for a long while there. They adopted two kids together.
And, of course, it’s pretty clear that her relationship with those children is why she doesn’t openly criticize Tom or the Church of Scientology. If she were declared a Suppressive Person, she’d lose contact with her kids — who are still members of the Church.
That whole mess must make having a contentious fight with Keith seem mild in comparison, right?
Let’s not forget that she could have had a relationship with Jimmy Fallon. In another world, right?