Thursday, December 29, 2016

Joel Embiid: Rihanna Won"t Date Me Til I Make the All-Star Team!

Voting for the NBA All-Star Game is now open, and as always, different fans are using different criteria to craft their ideal roster.


Obviously, talent is a major factor.



Of course, some folks value on-court leadership ability, while others seek to reward players who have demonstrated admirable character.


But Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid is hoping fans will consider an oft-overlooked asset when checking his name on their ballots:



Desire to bang Rihanna.


Yes, Embiid claims his DBR is through the roof, and for that reason, fans should vote for him to represent the Eastern Conference in New Orleans.


Allow us to explain:


It seems that when Embiid was drafter by the Sixers, he was under the impression that famous women would begin beating down his door.


He was wrong, and not just because he plays for the Sixers.



You see, when it comes to his interactions with the fiarer sex, Embiid has a deficiency of what the kids call “game.”


He pursued Kim Kardashian for a while, seemingly undeterred by the fact that she’s married.


From there, he moved on to Rihanna, whom he’s been openly courting on social media, much to the chagrin of everyone who reads his tweets and feels deeply embarrassed for the dude.


Now, Embiid wants you to help him realize his dream of smoking a post-coital blunt with his Barbadian goddess:



“This is the truth,” Embiid tweeted yesterday.


“I was trying to get with this famous girl and she said  ‘Come back when you’re a All Star’  bruhh.”


Bruhh, indeed.


Now here’s how you can help Joel get all up under RiRi’s unbrella:


“There is my chance to finally be with my CRUSH so i need your help y’all ha….. Joel Embiid #NBAVote”



Dude signed his own tweet.


That’s how you know he ain’t playin’.


As you probably noticed, Joel never mentioned Rihanna by name, but considering he’s been hollering at her for the past year and she recently broke down and followed him back, we think it’s a safe bet he’s still got his eye on Drake’s ex.


Either that, or the dude is way too fickle about his celebrity crushes.


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