Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Emily Ratajkowski: My Boobs Are Too Big! No One Will Hire Me!

If you’ve ever used Instagram, watched a Robin Thicke video, or seen the movie Gone Girl, then you’re probably aware that Emily Ratajkowski has big boobs.


What you may not have realize is that those bog boobs have caused her problems.



We’re not talking about the usual lower back pain or difficulty with top buttons on form-fitting blouses.


No, Emily says she’s suffered full-blown anti-big-boob discrimination.


In a new interview with Bazaar Australia, Emily reveals that she believes her famous figure has kept her from moving forward in her career:


“There’s this thing that happens to me: ‘Oh, she’s too sexy’. It’s like an anti-woman thing, that people don’t want to work with me because my boobs are too big,” she tells the magazine.


“What’s wrong with boobs? They’re a beautiful feminine thing that needs to be celebrated. Like, who cares? They are great big, they are great small.”



She added:


“Why should that be an issue? I have no problem with the backlash, because I feel it illustrates my point over and over.”


What’s wrong with boobs, indeed!


Look, people, it’s harder than ever for large segments of the population to find common ground these days.


If we can’t all agree that Emily Ratajkowski’s boobs are awesome, then this country is truly sunk.



Now, if someone were to complain that all the attention they’re receiving is distracting from Emily Ratajkowski’s butt, which is also spectacular, then that’s an argument we could see ourselves endorsing.


But that’s the only legitimate complaint to be made about Emily Ratajkowski’s boobs!


Anything else is like complaining that the million dollars someone just handed isn’t in small enough bills.


You’re just looking for reasons to complain, Hypothetical Reader, and we won’t stand for it!


Elsewhere in the interview, Emily talks about her boyfriend, … , who as far as we can tell, makes his living as a toucher of magnificent boobs.



“My boyfriend is super confident and was raised by his mum, so he also genuinely loves and admires women. Not just ‘Oh yeah, women are cool,” she tells the magazine.


“He deeply loves and respects women, so he loves what I’m all about.”


Of course he’s super confident.


We assume Emily’s breasts have magical properties like that glowing orb that Trump touched in the Middle East.


Dude can probably bend spoons with his eyes.


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