Thursday, September 14, 2017

Martin Shkreli Imprisoned Following Hillary Clinton Threat

If you’ve ever wondered if there’s any truth to those quotes about karma that your pettiest friend is always posting on Facebook, then look no further than the sad case of Martin Shkreli.


As you may recall, Shkreli first made a name for himself as a world class jack rag by hiking up the cost of a life-saving medication by more than 5,000 percent during his time as CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals.



Apparently a fan of being universally despised, Shkreli proceeded to embark on a career of professional douchery.


He feuded with the Wu Tang Clan after buying the exclusive rights to the group’s latest album and refusing to share any of it publicly.


He then trolled the entire hip hop community by stealing unreleased tracks from artists and releasing them online without permission.


If you’re thinking those two acts seem to run counter to one another, you have to bear in mind that at all times, Shkreli is motivated by nothing but the desire to piss off as many people as possible.


We won’t bore with you the full list of the Pharma Bro’s indiscretions (though getting kicked off of Twitter for harassing a Teen Vogue reporter is a doozy that bears repeating), but suffice it to say, the guy is the worst, and he’s finally paying the price for his life of dickishness.



Last month, Shkreli was convicted of securities fraud, and his crimes could land him behind bars for up to twenty years.


Martin is white and wealthy, so he was able to post bond, and the original plan was that he would await his sentencing at home.


But that would’ve required Shkreli to refrain from publicly engaging in behavior that’s been roundly condemned by society for a few weeks, so naturally, he effed it up.


For reasons that are clear only to him, Shkreli offered his Facebook followers $ 5,000 to grab a strand of Hillary Clinton’s hair during her current book tour.


Turns out, our legal system frowns on issuing public threats and paying for acts of assault, so yesterday, the judge in his case issued an order for Shkreli’s pasty ass to be thrown in jail.



“The fact that he continues to remain unaware of the inappropriateness of his actions or words demonstrates to me that he may be creating ongoing risk to the community,” said U.S. District Judge Kiyo Matsumoto, in revoking Shkreli’s bond.


“This is a solicitation of assault. That is not protected by the First Amendment.”


Shkreli was taken into custody immediately after his hearing, and this morning, he was issued an inmate number at the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn.


But we’re sure he isn’t worried.


After all, the guy who spent the past two years terrorizing the poor and publicly taunting hip hop fans should have no problem making friends inside a Brooklyn prison.


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