We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but it sounds like Meghan Markle is not a witch.
Hmmm … this might require some context.
You see, it’s about a story relating to Kate Middleton’s pregnancy. …
Kate Middleton is pregnant with her third royal baby.
Everyone’s excited about it.
Admittedly, this kind of thing has diminishing returns in terms of public excitement, but still, everybody’s pumped.
Among other things, another royal child will be a welcome distraction to the Brits in the face of the looming chaos and despair that is Brexit.
Over a week before they announced Kate’s pregnancy, we told you that Kate Middleton was probably pregnant again.
We even listed the reasons why — one of which being that there were signs that she was “ill.”
Kate is known to suffer from particularly unpleasant morning sickness.
Specifically, she has hyperemesis gravidarum, which means that her morning sickness is so unpleasant that it has a name that sounds like a Harry Potter spell.
Which brings us to Meghan Markle and her alleged healing powers:
So, there was a story going around that said that Kate Middleton couldn’t eat because of her extreme morning sickness.
(Sorry, late ’90s television shows — not everything’s better when it’s “extreme”)
That sounds totally believable, right? Morning sickness, even the normal kind, can be hell on the body.
Star came forward with a story in which their source claims that Meghan Markle provided a solution to Kate Middleton’s problems.
“Meghan put her culinary expertise to royal use. She researched all-natural, ancient remedies for morning sickness, then made a mild broth using organic herbs.”
There’s … so much in that.
One, there’s the implication that MegMar was able to fix something that Kate’s doctors could not.
Two, the always dubious “all-natural ancient remedies.” We’re all for herbal remedies (sometimes) but just because people did something a long time ago doesn’t mean that it works.
Three, citing her “culinary expertise” is next-level amazing. Using food to heal an illness is something normally reserved for video games.
“[Markle] had it rushed to Kate’s bed chamber.”
The use of the word “chamber” is always more fun than “rooms.” Because, you know, they’re royalty.
“Grateful Prince William gushed it was the first thing his pale princess had been able to get down in days.”
Nice alliteration.
So, like we said, we are sad to say that Meghan Markle does not seem to be a witch.
We’re sure that this would be great relief to Prince Harry’s ancestor, King James I, who was absolutely terrified of witches to the point where he’d have probably fainted on the spot if someone had offered to read his palm.
But gosh, it sure is less interesting than Prince Harry’s girlfriend and very likely his future wife secretly being able to cure incurable ails through natural remedies and the culinary arts.
But Gossip Cop reports that the story is bogus.
They report that a reliable source close to Meghan Markle assured them that it’s a total fabrication.
So … that’s that.
The fact of the matter is that people are thirsty for stories showing what kind of relationship Meghan Markle has with Harry’s family.
Kate Middleton was an outsider in that she wasn’t royalty already. That was, at the time, a big deal.
Meghan Markle is a divorced actress and she’s American. We’ve come a long way from Princess Diana having had to “prove” her virginity.
But … some worry that Meghan is such an outsider that Harry’s family might just put on polite smiles in public but secretly be discouraging their union.
People want reassurance that she’ll get along well with the people who could very well become her in-laws.
That, we imagine, is why this story had such appeal.
And, again, there’s entertainment value in an actress having magical powers. Even if it’s not true.
