Meghan Markle first rose to fame as one of the stars of the USA Network, by which mean the television channel, and not the intricate web of double agents seeking to undermine American democracy through collusion with foreign powers.
Sorry for all that clarification, but you can never be too careful these days.
Anyway, it’s been a big week for Meghan.
She’s traded in her role on Suits for a future as a member of the royal family, which is a bit like trading in your 2002 Civic that still has a couple good years in it, but also has a Hall & Oates cassette jammed in the tape deck for, like, a horse-drawn carriage, or however royals get around.
She got a good deal, is what we’re saying.
But Meghan is no stranger to moving up in the world.
We jest about her role on Suits, but landing a starring role on a long-running series is seriously impressive, especially for someone who was holding a briefcase on Deal or No Deal and doling out blowies on 90210 a few years earlier.
Those who know MegMar best say she owes her success to her intellect, her charm, her ambition … and the fact that she’s naturally super hot.
That’s a photo of Meghan that was snapped during a recent visit to her alma mater, Northwestern University.
Psych! That’s a pic that was taken when Markle was a student at the school, back in 2000!
Meghan hasn’t aged at all since the year 2000!
To put that in perspective some of you were fetuses in 2000!
You have aged considerably since then!
It was so long ago that we say “the year” in front of it, like “A.D.” or some sh-t!
The point is, becoming a princess is just the latest in a long line of victories for Meghan that began back when her father’s sperm fertilized her mother’s egg back in 1980, thus setting into motion a chain of events that will eventually lead to an American citizen receiving a British royal title.
Sure, she’ll have to put up with some obnoxious royal rules, but that’s a small price to pay to start the process of reverse-colonization.
Fun fact: once our UK takeover is complete, Meghan will become the first hot person to appear on US paper currency.
We’re living in exciting times, folks.
