Miley Cyrus has finally revealed why, after what looked like an attempt to render marijuana extinct by smoking every last leaf of it, she quit pot.
A lot of us had figured that Liam Hemsworth was owed some credit for being a good influence or whatever, and maybe he is.
But, according to Miley, we"ve all been giving credit to the wrong man … sort of. You"ll have to watch the video below.
So, Miley went on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon to continue with what we"ll call her de-rebranding.
Like … remember when the SciFi Channel became Syfy and started making cheesy ironic movies and completely forgot about, like, spaceships and stuff?
But then, back in 2015, they were like "oh, right!" and started making shows like The Expanse and The Magicians and other great new genre shows and, well, completely reversing their earlier rebranding.
Well, that"s what Miley"s been up to. Her "Syfy" was when she became a wild, tongue-waggling hippie.
And marijuana was, in this analogy, her Sharknado.
These days, she"s pulling a 180 — Miley"s completely quit marijuana.
And she explains why.
"I had a dream that I would die during my monologue on SNL for some reason," she tells Jimmy Fallon. "That I would just get so stoned that I just died … which I googled and that’s never happened."
Just for the record, we don"t even know if it"s possible to die from an overdose of marijuana.
Like, people might get queasy or disoriented, but they don"t tend to die from it like with, say, alcohol.
But she has two slightly more normal and grounded reasons for wanting to quit.
The first was that, when she was constantly smoking, she just wanted to sit at home and eat and play instead of doing anything else.
(Some of us don"t need drugs for that)
She said that she still loves spending time with her pets, but that she had been spending "too much time with the pig."
That"s fair.
The other factor was promoting her music and doing her LGBT+ advocacy.
She only touches on that a little in the video below, but it is Pride Month, you guys. We don"t think that the timing is a coincidence.
Her new song, "Inspired," debuted in honor of Pride.
While the Babadook has definitely been honored as the ultimate gay icon all month this year (we"re not making that up), Miley came out as pansexual a couple of years ago.
So Pride is for her, too.
She wanted to be as coherent and well-spoken as possible when being interviewed about her music, especially as she"s debuting new songs.
But she worried that she wouldn"t be able to do that if she was high all of the time.
We guess that nobody mentioned the concept of moderation to her, but whatever works, you know?
Ultimately, we wish that Miley had shown a little more self-awareness.
And that being conscious of her privilege as a wild-and-crazy white girl who had zero consequences for her pot use had been a factor in toning it down.
We"re glad that she"s keeping her tongue in her mouth again.
And that Miley and Liam might elope on Independence Day.
But while we wish her all the best, we feel like she kind of didn"t learn all that much from her wild times, either.
Like, Miley"s aggressive nudity was fine, but the tongue-waggling wasn"t.
And neither was acting like she"d invented twerking.
Honestly, we never thought that Miley needed to quit.
She just needed to learn some moderation and maybe behave herself just a little.
But maybe when you grow up under a microscope as a Disney star, you feel like you have to be one person or another, without any in between.
Anyway, we"re reasonably happy for her, and she had a lot more to share with Jimmy Fallon about her new life and the changes that she"d made.
