Kurt Eichenwald is a political commentator who’s best known for his ability to be liked by no one.
Actually, that’s not fair.
Eichenwald is best known for butting heads with bow tie enthusiast and noted wedgie target Tucker Carlson, one of the few people on the planet who might be more loathed than Kurt.
It doesn’t matter if you lean left or right in your political views, Eichenwald and Carlson both suck out loud, and they’ve both devoted their sad careers to Mad Maxing their ways across the post-apocalyptic media hellscape created by Roger Ailes.
We know, we know:
You clicked on a headline about tentacle porn, and we’re boring you with a feud between two middle-aged, basic cable sad sacks who probably put their number of Twitter followers on their resumes.
The reason we bring up the Eichenwald-Carlson feud is because it came to a head today in hilarious fashion when we learned that one of them likes to crank it to the sight of comely cartoon chicks having their way with horny sea creatures.
You see, Eichenwald was in the process of accusing Carlson followers of sending him anti-Semitic flyers (even though he’s not Jewish) in order to intimidate him.
To prove it, he posted this screenshot:
“Since being on your show, I get things like this a lot, most always from ppl mentioning u,” Eichenwald tweeted, along with the pic.
“Ur the Julius Streicher of Fox,” he added, referring to the publisher of an anti-Semitic newspaper.
Inflammatory stuff.
But it was quickly overshadowed by something that has little to do with politics and everything to do with Kurt’s love of sexy, girl-on-squid action.
Twitter quickly noticed that one of the open tabs on Eichenwald’s computer reads “B-Chiku,” referring to a type of animated tentacle porn.
Rather than just copping to getting off on octo-sex, Kurt offered an unlikely explanation involving … his entire family?
“Sigh. Ok, I’m a dumbass. Believe it or not, my kids & I were trying to convince my wife that ‘tentacle porn’ existed,” Eichenwald tweeted.
“I tried to find some to show her it was real. But I couldn’t find any – & ended up w/ this. My family reads my twitter feed, so they know this is true.”
He added:
“No one hacked my account. We were searching to prove to my wife tentacle porn exists … I’ve got nothing left to say about this. Believe what I say or dont. Think my family has odd conversations (we do) or don’t. So it goes.”
It’s worth noting that Eichenwald’s kids are grown … but still.
So we guess Carlson wins the day?
That said, we’re sure he’d prefer that his victory didn’t involve tentacle porn.