We’ve all been there.
Money’s a little tight, but a friend of yours recently passed away, and his ashes aren’t gonna blast themselves out of a giant sky cannon, ya know?
That was the position Johnny Depp allegedly found himself in after Hunter S. Thompson – a veritable icon in the field of both American journalism and hallucinogen consumption – took his own life back in 2005.
It was a fittingly Gonzo tribute to a man whose over-the-top lifestyle was the stuff of legend (though some who knew Thompson claim he would’ve cringed at the gaudiness).
The problem is, the $ 3 million price tag for the display was the start of an orgy of spending that reportedly has Depp on the verge of bankruptcy.
No, really.
Despite all that Captain Jack money, one of the best-known movie stars on the planet is having financial issues.
And this doesn’t come from the Weekly World News, alongside a report about Elvis and Michael Jackson’s love child being discovered in a cave on Mars.
No, the claims about Depp’s badly mismanaged finances come from legal documents filed by his former management team, TMG, who’s countersuing the actor in response to allegations that they badly mismanaged his finances:
“Depp lived an ultra-extravagant lifestyle that often knowingly cost Depp in excess of $ 2 million per month to maintain, which he simply could not afford,” writes attorney Michael Kump in the cross-complaint.
“Depp, and Depp alone, is fully responsible for any financial turmoil he finds himself in today.”
And how did he dig himself such a deep hole?
Why in the most hilariously Depp-like fashion imaginable, of course!
The company claims that Depp spent $ 75 million spent on 14 residences, $ 18 million spent on a luxury yacht and $ 30,000 per month spent on wine – which we’re assuming he sipped out of a goblet made from Lord Byron’s skull, or some sh-t.
And, of course, there was the $ 3 million ash cannon, even Thompson probably would’ve preferred that his cremated remains be loaded into shotgun shells, which would then be fired into Nixon’s grave.
The suit makes no mention of Depp’s latest expense – his wildly costly divorce from Amber Heard.
Depp and Heard reached a settlement in which she would receive $ 7 million over the next two years, but the matter wound up back in court after Depp dragged his feet on starting the payment process.
Now, we’re beginning to see why that was necessary.
We’re also seeing why Depp felt the need to swallow his pride and take the lead role in that horrendous Mortdecai movie.
We know he’s made his mistakes, but no man should be forced to put on a fake mustache and pretend to find Gwyneth Paltrow amusing.