Selena Gomez is magical, lyrical, and beautiful.
While she’s created some of the best music that humanity has ever or will ever produce, Selena Gomez’s life as a celebrity hasn’t been all easy all of that time. From her previously unlucky love life to her chronic battle with lupus, Selena’s had more than her share of crappy times.
These days, she’s doing so much better — and The Weeknd is a big part of that.
Selena Gomez tells InStyle a lot about how she’s doing these days, and that includes talking about her relationship.
Maybe the most important part of this whole piece is that she doesn’t put all of her proverbial eggs in one basket — by which we mean that her happiness isn’t entirely contingent upon her love life.
“I don’t depend on one area of my life to make me happy. It’s really important for me to love and nourish my friends and family and to make sure that I never get influenced by a guy.”
Remember, Selena Gomez is a role model for a lot of young women.
So many old-fashioned stories and even a lot of modern media reinforces the idea that men are defined by their achievements and women are defined by their relationships.
It’s a pernicious element within our culture.
Every time that a celebrity speaks out about there being many sources of her own happiness and how important it is that her whole life doesn’t revolve around a man, that’s a good thing.
It puts another much-needed crack in that patriarchal nonsense that’s infested our culture for millennia.
But Selena talks about how she didn’t always feel so independent and powerful:
“I’ve wanted to be in a strong head space for years, and I really wasn’t. Before, I was so young and easily influenced, and I’d feel insecure.”
Selena is a great actress, she’s gorgeous, she’s well-spoken … and, as we’ve mentioned, her music is positively transcendent in its quality.
So when we say that all sorts of people feel insecure, we literally mean all sorts.
Selena does talk about what she values in a man — and, specifically, The Weeknd.
“You want someone to add to your life, not to complete you, if that makes sense. I’m lucky because he’s more of a best friend than anything else.”
That’s so good, on multiple levels.
Adding to you rather than completing you is a great way of correcting outdated ways of talking about love.
And people talk all of the time about “marrying their best friend,” but that’s something to look for when you’re dating, too.
That means someone who will support you and someone with whom you have a lot in common.
If you’re in a serious relationship, anyway.
Selena Gomez has accumulated a lot of wisdom in her 25 years.
(She just had her birthday on July 22nd)
She talks about her age a little.
“I kind of wish numbers didn’t exist sometimes, because I feel like I’m 15 some days, and then other days I wake up and I’m 40.”
That is the most relatable thing that a celebrity has said in ages.
Maybe not everyone can relate, but I certainly can.
Selena talks about time itself and how frightening change can be:
“It’s so weird, how one year can change everything. Last year I canceled my tour and went away for 90 days, and it was the best thing that I ever could’ve done. I had no phone, nothing, and I was scared.”
I don’t even check the mail without my phone in my pocket, so I can imagine so.
Selena’s glad that she did it, though:
“But it was amazing, and I learned a lot. Everything I cared about, I stopped caring about. I came out, and it felt like, ‘OK, I can only go forward."”
That’s sort of a detox from your life, right?
My closest version of that would be, like, taking a break from most TV shows because life has become overwhelming, and then seeing which ones I’m eager to go back to and which ones I can just drop.
Selena’s version is more extreme.
She also has a strategy for her ongoing wellness:
“I go to therapy. I believe in that and talking about where you are. But I’m in a really, really healthy place.”
That’s so good to hear.
As for what Selena’s 90 days were like?
“I was in the countryside and never did my hair; I took part in equine therapy, which is so beautiful. And it was hard, obviously.”
We’d imagine so, yeah.
“But I knew what my heart was saying, and I thought, ‘OK, I think this has helped me become stronger for other people."”
Not that she wasn’t becoming stronger for herself, of course.
“When I came out, I was asked to go to the American Music Awards, and everyone around me was like, ‘Do whatever makes you comfortable."”
That’s good advice.
Sometimes you need to take it easy.
But that’s not the route that Selena chose — for the sake of her fans.
“I didn’t want my fans to have a negative view of taking care of yourself, so I just went in head-on, and I’ll tell you, the first time stepping on that carpet was so overwhelming. I felt like my back was sweating.”
Self-care is so important.
And Selena Gomez, who toughs things out for all of the right reasons, is wonderful.
You know, talk about Selena Gomez having to cancel her tour for her well-being — remember, folks, she has lupus and various side effects that come from it and from the agonizing chemo used to treat it — really illustrates how absurd it is that Justin Bieber canceled his tour for “exhaustion.”
We know that Justin seems to think that his faith calls him to quit touring or whatever, but “exhaustion” is such a lame excuse to give to his disappointed fans.
Not to mention to the hundreds of workers who were just totally screwed over by his announcement.
Selena Gomez downs shots of concentrated ginger as casually as the rest of us drink shots of whiskey, because she’s a total badass.
(Though we guess that, after chemo, ginger shots might be a relative breeze)
What wondrous things did humanity ever do to deserve Selena?
