Fourteen-year-old Danielle Bregoli skyrocketed to fame when her unbelievable bad behavior and ludicrous catchphrase — Cash me ousside, howbow dah? — made waves on Dr. Phil and then on social media.
But, you know how we mentioned that soon we might cash Danielle Bregoli in jail for a string of alleged criminal offenses committed before she became so (in)famous?
Well … she’s been sentenced. …
If you’re forgetting what exactly her crime was, it wasn’t weakening the fabric of society or being thoroughly obnoxious.
(Remember, she’s 14 and a product of her environment … and considering how awful her mother is, we kind of understand why she is the way that she is)
No, it was for two counts of grand theft (for repeatedly stealing her mother’s car).
Plus a count of filing a false police report.
Oh, and getting caught with marijuana — which shouldn’t be a crime but also fourteen-year-olds should not have access without a medical prescription.
And now she’s finally finding out the consequences for her out-of-control behavior.
She’ll be sentenced to juvenile detention, like so many other troubled young people.
Kidding!
Danielle Bregoli is rich and she’s white! (Privilege is a thing, folks)
Countless teens get their lives ruined over a few simple mistakes that are either harmless or should get them counseling. Instead, they’re thrown in with some genuinely dangerous young people and lose years of their adolescence.
Not so for Danielle.
TMZ reports that Danielle Bregoli has been sentenced to five years of probation.
That’s actually pretty lengthy for probation for non-violent offenses committed by a juvenile, right?
It sounds that way to us, anyway.
Maybe the judge was hoping to make sure that Danielle Bregoli behaves herself for at least the rest of the time that she’s a legal minor. If she does, she could be a totally different person by the time that she turns 18.
Or … perhaps the judge was trying to compensate for how lenient the sentence must seem.
Especially since Danielle will be allowed to serve out her probation in L.A. where she now lives.
So she’s definitely getting off easy.
We don’t know how this will impact Danielle Bregoli’s upcoming reality series, except that it was probably going to be in L.A. anyway.
It’s not that people were hoping to tune in to see her rob banks or whatever.
Mostly, people who will watch will be doing so to hear her mouth off ridiculous things around the house and, we imagine, be placed in fish-out-of-water situations where her trashy behavior will clash with, say, dining at a Michelin Star restaurant or doing anything else unfamiliar.
That’s just speculation on our part, because we can’t see a show about Danielle lounging on a couch or on a car that she’s too young to drive getting sustainable ratings.
Though, no matter where she is, we imagine that she’s going to have some heated words for people. That’s kind of her thing.
But if she were to actually cash someone ousside — that is, meet them outside in order to physically fight them because she’s 14 and tiny and full of hormones and rage — Danielle Bregoli would be in violation of her parole.
And we imagine that it’s hard to film a reality show from juvie, folks.
Danielle Bregoli is one of those situations where we feel like rewarding her for her bad behavior might be her best chance in life.
(No offense but, like, what kind of career was she looking at if she didn’t become famous? People from all walks of life can rocket to success, but a terrible upbringing is hard to overcome — and Lake Worth, Florida isn’t exactly ripe with opportunities)
We hope that her new life and meeting hopefully more responsible adults helps her to understand the changes that she needs to make for herself, even if she keeps up her act on camera.
What we really hope for Danielle Bregoli, aside from abiding by her probation guidelines and learning what it means to be a functional human being, is for her to follow Ariel Winter’s example and get away from her horrible mother.
It’s hard to see her moving forward with her mom still in the picture.