In case any of you have forgotten that Farrah Abraham came from somewhere — she hasn’t just always been around, like the moon or the specter of death — she got her start on the Teen Mom franchise. And she’s still a part of it.
During a Teen Mom 2 special, Farrah reunites with her ex, Simon Saran.
Basically, MTV thought that she’d be more entertaining if she plays off of Simon. And she was right.
The special was titled “Being Simon,” which is a weird moment to all Simons who live in places where the name is unusual and are therefore accustomed to that name referring only to them.
(Trust me; I would know)
Lately, Farrah’s been getting the attention that she craves for very different things.
For instance, Farrah’s been slammed for bad parenting yet again, because her photos of her daughter — cute though they may be — serve as a reminder that she homeschools Sophia.
That’s not the way to give your kid a fair start at life.
And Farrah Abraham’s vaginal rejuvenation treatments are either a case of the world’s worst choice of celebrity spokespeople or the world’s most desparate case of someone craving attention and not caring if it’s negative.
(It’s probably a little of both)
And, oh by the way, Farrah Abraham did a livestream sex show where she bared her breasts and then masturbated for all the world (well, anyone willing to pay) to see.
Which is a totally fine thing to do — sex work is work, and it’s valid — but we get the feeling that the motivation behind it had to do with, again, the negative attention that Farrah seems to crave by any means.
But, hey, a sex show is immeasurably better than another Farrah Abraham racist outburst.
Compared to all of those adventures in bad publicity, Farrah Abraham’s Teen Mom 2 special with Simon Saran wasn’t an unending thrill-ride.
But that’s not to say that it was uneventful.
During the former couple’s trip to San Francisco, Simon Saran expressed an interest in rekindling their former romance.
“I still want to date you; I love you.”
You’d think that Farrah would have talked about how he’d failed to show her respect during their relationship.
Instead, she went with a different angle.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t be weird with other people and call them ‘babe’ and hug them and take pictures with other people.”
One, that sounds super specific.
Two, which part of that is bad, exactly? Is he not allowed to hug people?
Farrah laid down some rules for Simon if he wants to crawl back into her good graces, romantically speaking.
“You cannot interact with other girls who are like basic b–ches.”
It’s not every day that you hear someone say “basic b–ches” unironically.
Simon defended himself:
“I did it right in front of you because it was innocent.”
Why does he want to get back with her, exactly?
Farrah wasn’t down to reunite with Simon Saran in that capacity, even though he’s boasted of his endowment (the surest sign of insecurity).
But she was willing to learn more about his culture. He’s a Punjabi Sikh.
Simon Saran cautioned her: “You’re going to smell like curry.”
Well, that’s not a bad thing. Curry smells amazing.
Farrah Abraham talked about how she can “relate” to the immigrant community.
“I relate to immigrants and working hard and my grandad showed me what hard work was.”
Immigration involves so much more than that. There’s a blending of cultures, and sometimes there’s culture shock. There’s leaving one’s friends and family. There’s being regarded with suspicion or dislike in your new home.
But … we’re not exactly shocked that Farrah made it all about herself.
And remember, we’re talking about Farrah and Simon, so their talk turned to things that one should never discuss.
In this case, flatulence.
Ugh.
After Farrah chastized him for his flatulence, Simon responded: “Your farts are worse than mine.”
Farrah denied it, saying: “I have never farted.”
That’s obviously not true, but can we all pretend that their exchange never happened?
Thanks.
In the background for a lot of this, Farrah and Simon were working together on “business.”
By which we mean that Simon Saran was flipping houses and Farrah Abraham was also there.
She may have, at some point, dunked a basketball with Simon’s assistance.
But don’t get your hopes up of these two becoming a couple again, folks.
It looks like Farrah’s happy having Simon Saran as her platonic sugardaddy.
