Just a few days ago, we got the most wonderful news that we’d heard in a very, very long time …
Jersey Shore is coming back!
For real this time, too, not just for one lame special.
MTV announced the big news during the series premiere of their new show, Floribama Shore, a Jersey Shore “spin-off” set down south.
Or really, Snooki announced the big news in a short little teaser that aired along with the show, screaming “We’re back, bitches!”
It’s enough to warm your heart and give you hope in the hopeless time, isn’t it?
We don’t have too many details yet — we know the new show will be called Jersey Shore Family Vacation, and it will air sometime in 2018.
Snooki — or Nicole Polizzi, as she may prefer to go by now — will be there, of course, as will her bestie, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, and her fellow meatball, Deena Nicole Cortese.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will also be going on that family vacation, along with Vinny Guadagnino, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and the delightful Paul “Pauly D” Delvecchio.
So who’s missing? You know, besides Angelina, lovingly known by her former castmates as the Staten Island Dump.
You know who’s missing — Sammi Giancola.
Yes, for some totally unfair reason, we’re getting new Jersey Shore in 2018, but we won’t be seeing Sammi Sweetheart.
And we came so close to heaven, didn’t we?
Ever since the news of Sammi’s absence broke, Jersey Shore fans everywhere have been in mourning — and they’ve also been demanding answers.
Up until now, we haven’t had any real explanation for why she won’t be there with the rest of those lovable guidos and guidettes.
Some sources claimed that she was working on a deal to appear on Celebrity Big Brother, but most fans assume that she just doesn’t want to film with Ronnie again after all these years.
It makes sense — if you’ve seen literally any footage from the show, you know that Sammi and Ronnie had a ridiculously toxic relationship.
Remember how many times they broke up and got back together, just to break up again? How many times they made each other cry?
What about the time that he trashed her room after a fight? Or the time that she punched him in the face just for talking to JWoww?
Ooh, ooh, how about the time that he referred to her “Fred Flinstone toe” and she lost her mind?
Yeah, so Ronnie and Sammi have some history, and it would make sense if they didn’t want to be around each other after everything that’s happened between them.
But is that the whole reason Sammi’s not coming back?
According to Snooki, yep.
On a podcast earlier this week, Snooki said “Everyone’s asking why Sammi’s not doing it. You have to ask her that, I’m not gonna speak for her.”
But then she went on to say that “Sammi is just in such a happy place that I feel like she doesn’t want to jump back into that drama if it does happen.”
“And being that there was a lot of Ron and Sam drama when we did film, it was just really hard on both of them,” she added. “So I just think she doesn’t want that anymore.”
That’s more than fair, but still disappointing.
Don’t give up hope yet though — filming still hasn’t started yet, and Snooki revealed that the rest of the crew has been “begging her to come back on the show” because “it’s gonna be different.”
“Everyone pray that Sammi comes back,” she said, “because I feel like she might change her mind.”
“Sam, if you’re listening, come to the show. Like, stop being — stop it. Stop it right now before I spank you.”
Yes, Sam, please. Stop
Or, to speak to her in her own language, “OH MY GAAAAAHD, STAAAAAHP.”
