In a newly-released excerpt from her upcoming memoir, Jenelle Evans opens up like never before.
The controversial Teen Mom gets as candid and as personal as can be when discussing her use of heroin and the sort of grip it held over her back in the day.
“My first trip was amazing. I won’t glamorize the drug by going into the long details of why people love it so damned much,” Jenelle writes in Read Between the Lines: From the Diary of a Teenage Mom, adding:
“Before I knew it, I was shooting up four or five times a day.
“I was hooked.”
But it didn’t take Evans very long to learn the consequences of a drug addiction.
Especially when it comes to relationships with your loved ones.
“The first thing I lost to the drug was my family,” Jenelle says, based on passages obtained by E! News.
“I disowned my mother and siblings and friends, but the truth is no one wants to talk to you when they suspect you’re a junkie.”
At one point in her downfall, Evans lost custody of her son, Jace.
As those who watch Teen Mom online know very well, Jenelle and her mother, Barbara, have clashed for years over the former’s irresponsible parenting.
Jace, who has largely been raised by his grandmother, has been at the center of their most intense and violent arguments.
“It hurt my heart, made me sick to my soul that I couldn’t see my son,” Jenelle explains in her book.
But she was an addict. She simply “filled that hateful void with more drugs,” as things grew worse before they got any better.\
“The drugs always made the pain go away. They didn’t turn on me or betray me,” she explains, elaborating as follows:
“I guess heroin was my first steady, dependable lover. It gave me what I needed to live and I gave it my life. By this entry, heroin was the only thing I had in my life that loved me.”
Evans got clean in 2015 and told People Magazine at the time that being sober helped her be “more active” in the lives of her kids.
What prompted this life change?
After blacking out from her drug use and realizing her boyfriend at the time “didn’t love me,” Evans checked in to a New Jersey hospital for detox.
Upon her release, she was stunned to find Barbara by her side.
“I ended up calling the last person in the world I expected to talk to, or expected would help me. My mother,” the Teen Mom star confesses.
“For all of our problems, I owe her for what she did that day. I called her and told her what kind of trouble I was in, and how I needed help.”
Jenelle also documents in the book why she could not call her father. Not then and not now.
“Robert Evans was only in my life for a little while. For that short and glorious time, I was daddy’s little girl,” Jenelle writes of her father in the memoir.
Without warning, however, Evans’ dad “cut himself out of [her] life” when she was young.
This event likely contributed to Jenelle’s troubled future.
“Even now, as a grown woman, we don’t talk,” she writes in the book, adding:
“Maybe one day that will change. Maybe one day we can find one another, get to know each other, and he can finally be my father. Until then, he is just my biological dad.”
The reality TV star is now a mother of three: Jace, 8, Kaiser, 2, and Ensley, 4 months.
Read Between the Lines: From the Diary of a Teenage Mom will be released on July 25.
