Drake: I"m Gonna Bang Blac Chyna AND Amber Rose at the NBA All-Star Game!

You can call Drake on his cell phone this weekend, but he’ll definitely be too busy to pick up.

You see, this year’s NBA All-Star Weekend is being held in Drizzy’s native Toronto, and in addition to the fact that the rapper will be directly involved with the festivities as the Raptors biggest (and only?) celebrity fan, he also has big plans for an after-after-party in his bedroom.

Yes, according to Hollywood Life, Drake is hoping to star in the big-bootiest threesome in recorded history by bedding Amber Rose and Blac Chyna…at the same time.

“He’s telling his friends how bomb it would be to kick it privately with these two media mavens,” says one insider. “High-key, Drake’s a fan of both of them.

“They’re both confident with a bad attitude. They party like they’re dying tomorrow. And most importantly, they have banging bodies with ba-dunk-a-dunk that he’d love to grab and hold onto!”

Obviously, that quote is top-to-bottom amazing (“High-key?”), and the best part is we could really picture Drake saying it.

Needless to say, it’s incredibly unlikely that Drake will bang both Amber Rose and Blac Chyna this weekend, and not only because Blac just started dating Rob Kardashian.

Even so, we like to believe that he’s trying.

Blac plus Amber plus the All-Star Weekend would equal the ultimate combination of Drake’s two greatest loves:

No, not auto-tune and turtlenecks. We’re talking about sports and gigantic asses!

It’s a shame his relationship with Serena Williams didn’t work out, but it’s not too late for the man to achieve peak Drizzy. Godspeed, Aubrey.

View Slideshow: 29 Drake Photos and Videos That Are Pure Drizzy

Kanye West to Puma: Kylie Jenner is MINE!!!

Kanye West’s new album, Swish Waves T.L.O.P., drops tomorrow, which means the man has been even more hungry for media attention than usual.

That may help explain why Yeezy’s Twitter page has been an embarrassing mess lately.

No, we’re not talking about Kanye’s rant about Wiz Khalifa.

In fact, at the moment, we’re not even talking about West’s idiotic “BILL COSBY INNOCENT!!!” tweet (though we certainly won’t be forgetting that one any time soon). 

For now, we’re focusing on Kanye’s decision to treat his 18-year-old sister in law like a walking billboard for his ugly sneakers and ludicrously overpriced clothing.

Amidst all the drama surrounding Yeezy’s defense of a man who has admitted to drugging women for the purpose of having sex with them while they’re unconscious, folks have mostly overlooked his bizarre beef with every sneaker company on the planet, including Puma – the brand that committed the unforgivable sin of offering Kylie Jenner $ 1 million to endorse their products.

Even though he’s only ever shown talent for making music, Kanye wants to be the top dog in every field, and apparently he feels that Kylie’s lucrative Puma deal would draw attention away from the hideous moon boots he slapped his name on, so he recently attacked the company in yet another bizarre social media rant:

View Slideshow: 12 Best Kanye West Rants

“Puma we gone give you your measly million dollars back!!! Never try to divide the family!!!” Kanye tweeted last night.

“1000% there will never be a Kylie Puma anything. That’s on my family! 1000% Kylie is on Yeezy team!!!”

Kylie, of course, has demonstrated remarkable business savvy over the past two years, and you would think she’d be able to decline the offer on her own, but apparently Kanye doesn’t see it that way.

So not only has he cost her a 7-figure deal that probably would’ve required her to do nothing more than occasionally wear Puma products in public, he’s also made her toxic to other brands, as companies will now fear that if they approach Kylie, they’ll be publicly slandered by Kanye.

This guy clearly has a hard time grappling with the idea that young women are capable of making their own decisions. Good thing he doesn’t have a daught…oh, wait.

For the Nguyen: Asian Students Pull Off Epic Yearbook Prank!

We thought that high school senior who posed in mesmerizing fashion with a cat came up with the greatest yearbook photo idea of all-time.

But we apparently spoke too soon.

Heck, even that gay high school student’s farewell quote now must take a backseat.

Because a quartet of Vietnamese high school students just won the Internet via a photo that was shared this week on Reddit, presenting in the form “/funny” without comment.

But no comment is really needed here to explain the hilarious motivation.

As you can see above, all four young women share the last name Nguyen.

And we’re guessing they’ve been asked about a gajillion times whether they are related and why they look the same and other stereotypes often associated with Asian-Americans.

So Alice, Kim, Theresa and Vivian took it upon themselves to get the last laugh, using space typically reserved for inspirational quotes to write a single word each:

WE. ARE. NOT. RELATED.

HA! We love it!

We don’t know if this slipped past school administrators or if the administrators were totally cool with it or what.

All we know is that it’s totally awesome, a much better use of this space than whatever overwrought Theroux quote their classmates probably chose instead.

(Editor’s Note: The name “Nguyen” is pronounced similar to “win,” making our headline totally genius. We’re just saying.)

Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick: Back Together ... For Sake of "Keeping Up" Ratings?!

Shopping – and Keeping Up with the Kardashians ratings – makes the heart grow fonder if you’re Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian.

According to insiders, the duo rekindled their romance when they went on a PDA-packed trip to Williams-Sonoma … but is it for real?

View Slideshow: Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick: Romance Rewind

Kardashian’s mom, Kris Jenner, once Scott’s harshest critic, was therewith them and totally in favor of the couple’s display of affection.

We can’t imagine why.

“Feel so blessed to have him as the baby daddy to my grandkids,” Jenner gushed, calling the Lord “one of the true loves of my life.”

No wonder Scott Disick is getting mixed signals about whether he and Kourtney are together or not. Is it all for show? Or THE show?

Maybe not. While the cozy outing was filmed for Keeping Up with the Kardashians, there’s no denying they have history, and a family.

At the same time, an insider recently warned that Disick is still “a total mess” and can’t help but create emotional issues with Kardashian.

“Don’t jump to conclusions about Scott and Kourtney reconciling just yet,” the source cautioned of the Williams-Sonoma excursion.

In fact, they were looking for cookware … for Scott’s new home, which he just paid $ 5.96 million for, and where he’ll live by himself.

“Scott picked up and registered for items for his new house,” a source told People mag. “He plans on having a house warming party.”

Wonder if Scott’s BFFs Chris Brown and Tyga will be on the guest list.

In any case, their relationship status was further complicated when Kourtney posted a cute flashback Friday photo of him on Twitter.

“#FBF with the baby daddy before he was a baby daddy,” she tweeted, sparking rumors that Kourtney and Scott are back together.

And yet … she recently told Ellen DeGeneres that they’re not.

“We’re not together. I feel like every day is different, but we’re totally getting along,” she said. “Like we have three beautiful kids together [sic].”

“You know, he’s family,” she added. “He’ll always be.”

In summation: Your guess is as good as ours.

View Slideshow: 29 Photos of Kourtney Kardashian Showing Scott Disick What He’s Missing