Friday, November 4, 2016

Dani Mathers Officially Charged with Invasion of Privacy

Dani Mathers is known for being a Playboy Playmate — Playmate of the Year for 2015, in fact — but these days, her main claim to fame is just being a terrible person.


Back in July, Dani made a series of bad decisions after taking a photo of a woman taking a shower in the locker room of her gym.



She shared the photo on Snapchat — a photo of a naked stranger — and wrote “If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either.”



She body-shamed the woman so seriously that it was an actual crime.


After the photo went viral, she claimed that she’d meant to send the photo directly to a friend but shared it to all her followers instead, like that makes it OK.


She also wrote an apology on Twitter, acknowledging that “There is no excuse” and that “I understand fully the magnitude of this post and that I have hurt.”


“This mistake has truly made me realize that something that can seem silly in a private conversation isn’t unnecessary,” she wrote.


“All I’ve done here is spread negativity and hate when that isn’t who I am, I chose to model because I appreciate women and their bodies, so me of all people should never make light of another woman’s naked body.”



Sounds like Dani here went to the Farrah Abraham School of Communication, huh?


She didn’t “make light” of the woman in the photo, she took a naked photo of her without her consent, shared it with countless people, and cruelly mocked her appearance on top of it all.


She might be a literal monster.


Even after the apology, Dani was suspended from her radio show gig, and she was banned for life from her gym.


And now things are getting even better, because she’s officially been charged with invasion of privacy.


Justice is real y’all.



It took a while, but the LAPD was able to locate the woman in the photo — a woman in her 70s — and she agreed to cooperate with authorities.


As of now, we don’t have any details about the court case, but we do know that if Dani is convicted on this charge, she’ll face six months in jail.


Yeah, it seems like kind of short sentence, considering that if she is convicted, there’s a good chance she won’t even serve a fraction of those six months.



But this is 2016: we can’t lock her up in the stocks in the town square and throw rotten produce at her, as satisfying as that may be.


We’ll just have to hope that all this, the charges, the backlash, and maybe a few minutes in jail will teach her a lesson about how to behave like a decent human being.



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Lindsay Lohan: Spying For the Turkish Government?!

There are phrases you never expect to hear, and then there’s “Lindsay Lohan might be a spy for the Turkish government?!” which is up there with “Donald Trump just used his giant hands to give away his billion-dollar fortune that actually exists!” in terms of staggering degree of unlikelihood.


And yet, all over the Internet today, there are serious discussions about the possibility that LiLo is highly-paid operative working in league with a Middle Eastern government.



The really crazy part is, this isn’t just today’s “Taylor Swift is pregnant with Drake’s baby” gossip.


There might actually be some legitimacy to this report.


The rumors started shortly after the release of this video:



You may have seen it.


The clip went unexpectedly viral not because of the bizarre ramblings about nightclubs and refugee camps (that’s just typical Lohan), but because of Lindsay’s accent.


What the hell is that?


It’s as though she sampled a little bit from each continent like she’s eating at a buffet at Epcot.


And what’s with the pauses, like English isn’t her first language?



We can understand picking up certain linguistic quirks if you’ve been living abroad for a while, but if she’s forgetting her native tongue, that’s just a case of cocaine-induced brain damage.


But believe it or not, Lindsay’s sh-tty stage accent and appropriated cadence aren’t the most interesting things about this video.


We know it’s painful, but pay attention to what she’s saying.


Note the effusive praise for Turkey and the repeated use of the phrase “the world is bigger than five.”



She says it twice in that 3-minute clip, and it’s her favorite hashtag these days, appearing on just about every photo that Lohan has posted on Instagram in the past two weeks.


So what the hell does it mean?


Well, unlike the notion that Syrian refugees need dope night spots to party in, the phrase didn’t originate in Lindsay’s Smirnoff-pickled  brain.


Turns out it’s a favorite slogan of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his cronies.



Despite showing zero interest in global politics at any previous point in her multiple decades as a public figure, Lohan is suddenly gushing at Erdogan every chance she gets.


Here she is singing his praises in an interview for Turkish television:



“The world is bigger than five” refers to Erdogan’s contempt for the UN Security Council and its five permanent members – he US, the UK, France, China, and Russia.


In recent weeks Lohan (who again, is Lindsay Lohan and has never previously shown an interest in matters any deeper than that new cut her dealer is using) has repeatedly called for the Security Council to be restructured.


She’s also praised Erdogan’s handling of a military coup that threatened to unseat him over the summer.


We’re not saying Lindsay is definitely being paid by Turkish government officials to push their agenda in the West, but what’s more likely:



That Lindsay has taken a sudden interest in the more arcane complexities of the Middle Eastern political climate, or that someone offered her blow money to spout a bunch of BS she doesn’t understand in front of some TV cameras?


We think you see our point.


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