Back in 2015, the Playboy did away with nudity in a decision that stunned the publishing world about as much as if Sports Illustrated decided the Internet has football pretty well covered and that jai alai is the wave of the future.
To the surprise of absolutely no one, the iconic men’s mag reversed its decision this week, after exhaustive research indicated that people still like boobs.
Yes, Playboy is returning to nudity, and they’ve already chosen the set of headlights that will light their way back to the promised land.
That’s Scarlett Byrne, and she’ll be appearing naked in the new issue because apparently the folks in marketing didn’t learn anything from when Lindsay Lohan posed for Playboy and the issue didn’t exactly fly off the shelf.
You may not recognize Byrne’s name but she starred as Pansy Parkinson in the Harry potter films.
Not exactly an A-list Slytherin, but we think she dated Draco Malfoy or something.
The 26-year-old actress also starred in The Vampire Diaries in a role we’re sure the eight people who still watch that show remember fondly.
Byrne has had an okay career, but she still seemed like a random choice to mark the magazine’s return to the type content that made it famous.
But then we saw this pic and realized that she’s dating Hugh Hefner’s son, Cooper, who’s apparently running the show these days.
Byrne isn’t just appearing nude in the new issue, she also penned an essay about how Playboy is totes woke now, or something:
“I’m very proud to be a part of the March/April issue of Playboy. I penned a short essay along with my pictorial titled, ‘The Feminist Mystique,” she wrote on Instagram.
“A big thank you to @Playboy, the creative team, and @cooperbhefner for such a unique opportunity. #NakedIsNormal”
Yes, the Playboy wants you to believe it’s returned to the days of glossy, airbrushed pubic hair, because of, like, women’s rights or something.
Sure, you can find just about every kind of nudity imaginable right now with a few keystrokes (tee-hee), but only in the pages of Playboy can you find socially conscious, faux-feminist flesh for the resistance!
Interestingly, it seems the magazine’s editorial team is trying to play both sides of the fence, as Cooper Hef’s commentary on the change of “reclaiming out identity,” a phrase that has the stench of the #MAGA crowd all over it.
Will the return to naked values be effective?
No, because it’s 2017, and print media is deader than Marilyn Monroe, who, coincidentally was the last centerfold anyone cared about.