Thursday, February 2, 2017

Beyonce: Gender of Twins Revealed?!

Have you been living in a cave on Mars with particularly crappy wi-fi?


If so, allow us to bring you up on the big news of the past 24 hours!


No, Trump didn’t drop any nukes on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s house … yet.


We’re talking about the big announcement that Beyonce is pregnant with twins.



Even if you don’t spend your day refreshing Bey’s Instagram page (though we should point out that literally any other activity is a complete waste of your time. Fact. Look it up.), there’s really no way you could’ve missed the news online yesterday.


Bey’s announcement broke social media records


Celebrities both big and small reacted to the news on Twitter.


And of course, the Beyhive came out in swarms to offer congratulations:



Naturally, there was speculation as to what the Carters might name Blue Ivy’s little siblings, but before we can settle on the proper color-and-plant we need to answer one important question:


What genders are we expecting?


Male? Female? One of each? Something new that the universe created just for Beyonce?


Given that she appears to be pretty far along and she reportedly got pregnant through IVF treatments, Bey probably already knows what she’s having. 


Which means that it’s time to let the speculation begin!



According to Radar Online, the cat is already out of the bag with regard to the genders of Bey’s babies…


…and an insider tells the website that ‘Yonce currently has a potential mixed doubles team gestating inside her.


“Beyonce and Jay Z chose one female and one male embryo,” the source claims.


“Beyonce had a really hard time conceiving on her own, so it was an easy decision for them to choose the IVF route,”



We guess that makes sense.


Jay’s probably been hoping for a boy, and no one in the world could would refuse the opportunity to create another Beyonce, so boy and girl it is!


Of course, there are only three possibilities here, so in the months to come, you can expect to see lots of predictions, and lots of folks saying, “Told ya so!” on delivery day.


In an interesting twist, the source says Bey’s babies are already doing their part to rescue the world from the crushing despair brought about by Emperor Cheeto Skin:



“Beyonce knows that the world is in such dire straits right now and she is hoping that this gives her fans some hope and brightens their day,” says the source.


Thanks, Bey Babies!


Now, if you two could just go ahead and turn 35 so that we can elect you the first duel presidents, that’d be great!


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