Well, it looks like the Duggar family is about to have one more mouth to feed.
But you won’t be seeing any gleeful Instagram announcements or reality TV reveals about Joseph Duggar and Kendra Caldwell’s forthcoming bundle of joy.
That’s because Joseph and Kendra aren’t married yet.
In other words, OMG.
According to the Duggar rules of courtship, they shouldn’t even be holding hands, or engaging in full-frontal hugs, much less making babies.
Fans just learned that Joseph and Kendra are courting last week, and now it seems the goal was to rush the young couple to the altar before the public learned that Caldwell is expecting.
Didn’t happen. In a blog post on the Duggars’ official family website, Joseph takes a contrite tone, admitting to fans exactly what happened.
According to the 22-year-old, a daily regimen of underlining favorite Bible passages and suffering through cold showers wasn’t enough to keep him from giving into temptation:
“I have sinned,” Joseph wrote, Kendra by his side.
“I mean, I have really sinned like crazy, y’all.”
“There were nights that Kendra and I sinned like four or five times in just a couple hours. Our thinking was you can’t put un-ring that bell or put the toothpaste back in the tube, ya know?”
Joseph added that he and Kendra do not yet know the child’s gender, but they plan to choose a name that will reflect the circumstances of its conception:
“If it’s a girl, we’re thinking Jezebel. If it’s a boy, either Cain or Abel, depending on how guilty I feel when I look at him for the first time,” he wrote.
“For a middle name, we’ll probably go with Revelation or Hellfire. Something to remind us of the Lord’s eternal wrath.”
Joseph adds that though he looks forward to becoming a father, he and Kendra both feel tremendously guilty for forsaking their beliefs and disappointing their parents:
“I try to be like Jesus or Mike Pence in all that I do,” Joseph wrote.
“I don’t eat dinner with women I’m not married to, unless, like, they’re prostitutes and I’m trying to talk them out of it or something.”
“Yeah, that would work. Anyway, the point is, there’s nothing Christ- or Pence-like about what I’ve done.”
Perhaps to add perspective Joseph concluded by noting that things could be much worse:
“I mean, it’s not as bad as what Josh did. Y’all remember that stuff?! I can’t even believe they let us back on TV…
“Whoops. My parents are giving me the ‘wrap it up’ signal. Bye, y’all! Go Razorbacks!”
We wish Joseph and Kendra all the best, and of course, we’d like to add:
APRIL FOOLS!
