Backdoor Star Wars? Super 8 Inches? Felicity, But She’s a Porn Star Instead of a College Student?
Yes, the prospect of a Farrah Abraham-J.J. Abrams collaboration has our minds racing with possibility.
Unfortunately, at this point, the project exists only in Farrah’s fevered imagination.
It seems that ever since being fired from Teen Mom OG for her refusal to stop performing in online sex shows, Ms. Abraham has had a lot of time on her hands.
While much of that time has been dedicated to less-than-productive pursuits, such as getting arrested for attacking hotel staff, she’s also been casually toying with the idea of dropping a new Citizen Kane on all our asses.
Yes, Farrah is hoping to adapt her memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended, into a Hollywood feature film.
And she knows just who she wants in charge of the project.
“I’m working on storyboards right now and the screenplay, it’s really a project and a challenge and it’s crazy good,” she recently explained to TooFab.
“I can’t wait, I’m on my first draft right now and it’s going beyond what was said in the book.”
But don’t worry, Farrah isn’t straying too far from the magic that made Teenage Dream the Moby Dick of reality TV memoirs.
“The book is a classic, and that’s where everything stems from, and that’s the main storyline, which we need to stick with,” Farrah says.
“But I also think showing some before and after the show is really what the fans want, so we’re getting that and I can’t wait to show that. It’s going to be very interesting.”
Yes, Farrah just unironically described her memoir as a classic.
And who knows? Maybe in 40 years, schoolchildren will be writing book reports about the various symbolic meanings of the term “backdoor” in Farrah’s masterwork.
Believe it or not, that seems more plausible than Farrah’s plans for the movie version of her book.
You see, Farrah not only thinks this film is getting made, she’s convinced it’s gonna win every Oscar and make a cool few billion at the international box office.
“We’re going to have a real casting director, producers, the best of the best for everything,” she stated.
“Maybe I’ll work with J.J. Abrams, there are some other people on my top list.
“The production companies associated with I, Tonya, I really think they would get this storyline as well. So I can’t wait to see who’s the best fit.”
Actually … comparing herself to Tonya Harding might actually be the least-dumb thing Farrah has ever done.
As for JJ’s involvement — well, can envision that meeting now:
Abrams: So what’s this project all about?
Cigar-Munching Hollywood Type: A reality star who sells plastic molds of her b-hole on the internet. But don’t worry; it’s got a real casting director!
Abrams: Sold!
As for who will play the role of Farrah, it’s tough to predict which direction her ego will take her in on this one.
Obviously, she would relish the attention that would come with playing herself.
But at the same time, the allure of recruiting some A-list Oscar-winner like Jennifer Lawrence might be too strong to resist.
Watch Teen Mom OG online to remind yourself how much of a plum role Farrah would be an actress willing to go full batsh-t.
