Someday in the near future, when you and your family are gathered around a flickering Coleman lantern, digesting the golden retriever you enjoyed for dinner in the nightmarish hellscape that was once America, your children will ask you how Donald Trump came to be president in the first place.
As you have so many times before, you’ll explain that it all started in the Eighties — a time when the country was rich, the clothing was hideous, and douchebags reigned supreme.
While the Donald was writing checks to the guy who wrote The Art of the Deal and plastering his name all over Manhattan, another blonde icon of the era was charming the masses half a world away.
Yes, although her marriage to Prince Charles was already crumbling, in 1987, Princess Diana was still “the people’s princess,” the most beloved royal in recent memory.
Lady Di had poise, grace, and the adoration of millions.
In other words, she was the polar opposite of the man who was not-so-affectionately dubbed “the Donald.”
So it should come as no surprise that when she and Charles finally called it quits, Trump swooped in and attempted to seduce Diana.
And in the predatory fashion he’s become known for, Trump wouldn’t take no for an answer.
This week, Trump will visit the UK for the first time as president.
And his past behavior and comments toward the royal family are very much on the minds of many Brits.
Members of the British media have been particularly fixated on a 2015 report from a BBC journalist and longtime friend of Diana’s named Selina Scott.
“Trump clearly saw Diana as the ultimate trophy wife,” Scott wrote.
Scott says Trump flat-out stalked Princess Di, to the point that his lavish presents became a source of great concern:
“As the roses and orchids piled up at her apartment she became increasingly concerned about what she should do. It had begun to feel as if Trump was stalking her,” Scott claimed.
“‘What am I going to do?’ she asked. ‘He gives me the creeps.’ ‘Just throw them in the bin,’ I advised. Diana laughed.”
Trump later admitted to being rebuffed by Diana and referred to her as “the one regret in the women department.”
Trump enjoyed a perverse sort of revenge in the years after Diana’s death, boasting that he “could have slept with her” in interviews, even though there were “times when she didn’t look so great.”
After placing Diana on his top ten list of women he would like to sleep with during an interview with Howard Stern, Trump added:
“She was crazy, but those are minor details.”
And Diana’s not the only female royal to capture the Donald’s creepy attention.
Whan topless photos of Kate Middleton made the rounds back in 2012, Trump tweeted that it was Kate’s fault the pics went public.
“Kate Middleton is great–but she shouldn’t be sunbathing in the nude–only herself to blame,” he tweeted at the time.
“Who wouldn’t take Kate’s picture and make lots of money if she does the nude sunbathing thing. Come on Kate!”
Needless to say, all of this might make for a very awkward official visit.
Fortunately, the new generation of female royals are not easily intimidated by Trump — and at least one of them has already experienced his creepiness head on.
Sources say Meghan Markle “avoided” Trump when she was a model on Deal or No Deal and he made a guest appearance on the show.
If only we could all take that approach.