Inmate Gives Prison 3 Out of 5 Stars

We’re learning more and more about prison these days.

First, there was the dangerous for-profit issues addressed on Orange is the New Black Season 4.

Then, there was that footage of men in a cell actually breaking out – while shackled! – to save the life of a guard.

And now we have the story of a man who was being held by the West Midlands Police in Birmingham, UK.

He was only there for 16 hours, but that was enough time for him to use a pen and paper to give an in-depth review of the conditions of the cells at the Perry Barr station.

Yes, this 24-year old (who was being held for “criminal damage” on property) treated his temporary home like a hotel and recounted his stay there in Trip Advisor-like form.

The reviewer only gave the prison three out of five stars, but the authorities were apparently flattered nonetheless because the Birmingham Police Department shared it on their Facebook page.

“Once in my cell I was pleasantly surprised by the cleanliness and décor…neutrally decorated to please all parties but done to a high standard,” the reviewer wrote, adding a note of gratitude to officers for giving him the forum to express his thoughts.

The man did, however, notice a hair on the toilet in his cell and said his neighbor kept screaming curse words for a very long time.

The guest (yes, we use that term loosely) also complained about the cups of tea not arriving in timely fashion.

This is why he only gave the facility three stars overall.

Chief Inspector Paul Minor, West Midlands Police Criminal Justice Manager, said on Facebook that he disagreed with this assessment, writing:

“We feel it’s a five-star facility: it’s designed to be safer for staff and guests and the more efficient check-in process means we can get arresting officers back out on the streets more quickly.”

Concluded Minor:

“The reviewer has been very complimentary about the facility and staff…but I think he’s been a little harsh by awarding it just a three-star rating.”

We love everything about this story.

Teresa Giudice Talks Strip Searches & Girl-on-Girl Inmate Action in New Memoir

From the moment she was sentenced to 15 months in prison for bankruptcy fraud, it was widely assumed that Teresa Giudice would release a lurid tell-all about her time behind bars.

As it turns out, Teresa’s memoir is finished and ready to hit stores months earlier than anyone expected.

The reason, it seems, is that Teresa worked at a furious pace while she was locked up.

According to Radar Online, one source who has read the book and is familiar with the circumstances behind its publication says Teresa pounded out pages under tremendously difficult conditions:

“There were concerns inmates would try and steal the book as it was being written,” the source said, adding that Teresa would write 20 or 30 pages at a time and then pass the book off to her lawyer for safekeeping.

The insider says that in the book – entitled Turning the Tables: From Housewife to Inmate and Back Again – Teresa reveals that the most humiliating part of her prison experience was the routine strip searches that she was subjected to as an inmate:

“The first strip search had Teresa completely rattled. It was humiliating” the source said.

“The prison staff were professionals, and did it very quickly. But after each visit with the family, Teresa would have to go through the process all over again.

“It became routine in the end, and she understood the staff were just doing their job. That’s covered in the book.”

Teresa also goes into detail regarding the love lives of her fellow prisoners:

View Slideshow: 23 Teresa Giudice GIFs That Should Worry Her Fellow Inmates (and Everyone Else)

“Teresa was stunned at the prison romances between the women,” the insider says.

“Obviously, Teresa didn’t hook up with anyone. There were some interested vibes that Teresa got from a couple of the ladies, but Teresa just ignored it.”

Of course, there were dark, lonely moments during her almost 12 months behind bars, and the insider says Teresa delves into her emotional struggle with surprising candor:

“During the first two weeks, Teresa cried every night,” the source says. “There were moments she didn’t know if she was going to make it for almost an entire year.

“Visits from the family and Teresa’s faith got her through the darkest times.”

Teresa’s book will be available in stores and online Februrary 9.

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