People have more or less “known” that Thomas Dekker wasn’t straight for a while. Part of that’s gaydar, part of that had to do with some of the roles that he’s taken … actually it was mostly just gaydar.
People “knew” before Colton Haynes came out, too. It’s important to let people actually come out in their own time. Thomas Dekker’s emotional coming out essay is powerful, but we sure wish that he’d gotten to share it at a time of his choosing.
Unfortunately, his official coming out was prompted by Bryan Fuller just … outing him on stage.
Thomas Dekker is known for his acting roles on TV shows like Heroes, The Secret Circle, and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. He’s also starred in movies, including Kaboom! which is super trippy but we love it.
It’s getting close to time for my annual The Secret Circle rewatch, so I’m not claiming to be psychic when I say that Thomas Dekker’s been on my mind lately. He’s been doing some directing, lately.
Apparently, Bryan Fuller was, too — because he recently referred to a well-known story of Thomas Dekker’s management team freaking out about his Heroes character being gay and, fearing that Thomas would be typecast, insisted that his character be straight.
That was, needless to say, controversial.
Given the circumstances, Thomas Dekker’s coming out essay is bittersweet.
But it’s absolutely worth the read:
“My sexual orientation once again came into question this week when a prominent gay man used an awards acceptance speech to ‘out’ me.”
Thomas returns the favor, pointing the finger of blame at Bryan Fuller — who fully deserves a serious callout — without naming any names.
Turnabout is fair play, as they say.
“While he did not mention me by name, the explicit details of his reference made it easy for the public and media to connect the dots.”
Yep.
Some people might have been surprised to learn that Thomas wasn’t already out. Like when Anderson Cooper came out.
“While it is an odd situation, I thank him because it presents a prime opportunity for me to publicly say that I am indeed a man who proudly loves other men.”
That thank-you doesn’t seem super genuine, but we’re so glad that Thomas is seizing the opportunity to come out.
He deserves to live a happy and authentic life, you know?
“In fact, this April, I married my husband and I could not be happier.”
That is fantastic news.
“I have never lied to the press about the fluidity of my sexuality but this man claiming that I came out is not true.”
Nobody should be outed against their will.
It can endanger people’s lives — or, at the very least, steal their moment from them.
But Thomas wasn’t about to let that happen.
“Because I have not ‘officially’ until this moment. I simply refuse to be robbed of the glorious joy that belongs to me. To say the words myself. ‘I’m gay’. Those words are a badge of honor that no one can steal.”
Some had speculated that he might be bisexual, but he’s gay.
(Though a lot of LGBT folks use “gay” as an umbrella term, we’ll go with the label that he prefers)
“Sexuality and who you love is a deeply personal and complicated thing. For some of us, it takes to cultivate, discover and conclude.”
That’s super true. Some people marry and have children before they realize “oh, wait … I’m not straight.”
“It is not something anyone should ever be ashamed of and certainly not something anyone should be rushed into.”
That’s a well-deserved jab in Bryan Fuller’s direction, but probably aimed at others who may have pushed him to come out.
“I agree with many who believe it is an important responsibility for LGBTQ persons with a platform to come out.”
That’s true, for sure.
“It has the power to change minds, challenge beliefs and make others feel understood and supported.”
Representation matters, as they say.
“It can strengthen the progression of our community and help disarm those who discriminate against us.”
There’s still a lot of anti-LGBT campaigning and sentiment, even within the US.
“It is a brave, powerful and important thing to do but it is also a deeply personal decision. One that should only be made when you are ready.”
Some LGBT folks never come out, and that’s okay.
“If we are to stand strong in the gay community, our mission should be support, not exclusion; love, not shame.”
That is just beautifully written.
“I choose not to look back on the past with a regretful heart but rather focus on the future with a hopeful one.”
Good for him, right?!
“A future where myself and all others can feel free to express their true selves with honor and dignity.”
Ideally, a future where young actors don’t arrive in Hollywood and get told that they can’t come out or they won’t get cast in the roles that they want.
“I embrace you, any of you, with open arms, kindness, faith and patience.”
He’s so good, you guys.
“For all of you who have supported me, before and now, I thank you from the bottom of my fledgling heart.”
That’s such a poetic way to phrase that. Thomas Dekker is a man of many talents.
“Be proud of who you are. No matter how long it takes.”
Few coming out letters are this moving or well-written. Wow.
Is The Secret Circle still on Netflix? Kidding — we don’t even have to check to know that it definitely is.
It looks like it’s time for another rewatch.
