Tila Tequila: Paris Hilton Killed My Fiancee & I"m Possessed By Satan

Hey, things got pretty crazy this week, didn"t they, America?

It"s times like this that we need the genuine batsh-t insanity of someone like Tila Tequila to remind us that things could always be marginally worse.

As some of our older readers may recall, Ms. Tequila was a popular figure on MySpace, which was an arcane rune-based communications system popular among early homonids in the days before 

The site died an ugly, premature death after overdosing on the milliojns of HTML customizations and Fall Out Boy videos everyone crammed into their personal pages, but Tila"s notoriety has survived.

The reason for this is that she"s hands down the craziest celebrity on the planet.

You"re probably asking yourself, how could she be crazier than Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Donald John Trump?

To which we say, believe it or not, Tila wins that contest by a mile.

We could rattle off a decade"s worth of bizarre incidents as proof — such as the time she claimed to have evidence that Michelle Obama is secretly a man, or the many times she insisted she"s some sort of alien Nazi.

Instead we"ll just share this video in which Tila casually explains that she was possessed for several years and Paris Hilton murdered her fiancee.

"So back in 2012 I was in Hollywood and I was in the world of Satan. I was possessed by Satan. Hollywood is a platform built by Satan," Tila tells the camera.

"They kept sending me to doctors to overdose me and kill me."

From there Tila goes on to describe how the death of her fiancee Casey Johnson was the result of a Satanic ritual orchestrated by Paris and Nicki Hilton.

“Paris and Nicky Hilton sacrificed Casey while I was in Texas. All of the demonic chicks like Courtenay Semel, Jasmine Lennard, The Hilton sisters went against me because they were the one who sacrificed her," Tequila says.

"She told me all of their secrets and then they tried to sacrifice me.”

From there, the ladies busted out some Xans and eight balls, because apparently that"s customary following a ritual sacrifice.

"I was disgusted," Tila says "So I took two Xanax bars and did two 8 balls of cocaine. Satan had me so on drugs.”

Check out the whole 40-minute (!!!) video for more insanity.

Hopefully, it"s the first episode of a new talk show entitlted It"s the Tequila Talking!

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Lala Kent: I"m Possessed By the Ghost of Tupac!

Some truly asinine word combinations have escaped the mouths of the Vanderpump Rules cast members.

After all, it wasn’t all that long ago that we bore witness to two of them having a public midday aregument about pasta.

But even that fettuccinne-based meltdown doesn’t match the mind-boggling inanity of recent comments Lala Kent made during an interview for Jenny McCarthy’s podcast.

“I was gonna ask you how did this like sweet, beautiful Utah girl turn into like this cool, hood chick?” Jenny asked Lala.

“Like on Instagram and stuff your Snapchats are so sexy, funny, but they’re hood.”

First of all, no matter where you fall on the political spectrum, can we all agree that we don’t want to live in a world where one rich blonde white woman feels comfortable publicly calling another rich blonde white woman a “hood chick”?

If that was too cringe-inducing for you to bear, then you might want to stop reading now, because it’s about to get much, much worse.

Now, like tens of millions of others, you might be a fan of the late hip hop icon, but apparently you can never love him as much as Lala, who just planted her flag in his eternal soul.

Yes, Lala has claimed ‘Pac for herself, claiming that he his spirit entered her body when he was shot to death in September of 1996.

“I don’t know where that comes from,” Kent said in response to McCarthy’s questiom.

“I mean I am a firm believer that when Tupac died he took over my body. I know you’re laughing but I’m being for real,” Kent said.

“I recently just got ‘thug life’ tattooed on me, and I feel so happy about it. It’s by my … the inside ankle on my left, and it’s up and down in my handwriting. It looks like a prison stamp.”

Yep. She spoke those words in public.

She somewhat saved herself by admitting how ridiculous the scenario she’s describing really is, but the whole thing was still pretty bad:

“I am as boujee and white as they come but I gets to clapping sometimes,” she told McCarthy.

Now, Kent recently said that only ugly women fly commercial, so she’s no stranger to profound idiocy, but the fact that she made the conscious decision to claim that she’s been possessed by Tupac since the age of 6 is truly mind-boggling.

The worst part is, before this point, Lala was in the midst of a rebuilding season.

Previously, she spent most of the time playing the mean girl and chiding her female co-stars for their failure to work on their “summer bodies.”

Her latest comments aren’t as bad as the remarks that got Stassi Schroeder accused of racism, but they are another reminder that the privileged pretty people of SUR should probably stick to getting sloshed and throwing drinks in each other’s faces.

Watch Vanderpump Rules online for more eye-roll moments from Kent and company.

View Slideshow: Lala Kent: Best Instagram Pics of Vanderpump Rules’ Newest Star

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