Draya Michele says don’t lump her in with other Hollywood moms like Blac Chyna — because she won’t be putting her baby to work anytime soon. The ex “Basketball Wives” star was in Bev Hills Friday afternoon, and talked to us about BC’s decision to…
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Kailyn Lowry: I Don"t Even KNOW Who My Baby"s Father Is!
If you’re a fan of Teen Mom 2, then you Kailyn Lowry is pregnant with her third child, and she’s been less than forthcoming with details regarding the identity of the father.
Social media has been abuzz with theories as to who Kailyn’s baby daddy might be, but no conclusive evidence has emerged.
However, it looks like we now know the reason for all the secretiveness:
You see, Kailyn isn’t quite sure who the father is.
Yes, in a move that stunned fans, the Teen Mom 2 star posted a photo of famed paternity sleuth Maury Povich on Instagram.
Lest we fail to pick up on the symbolism of the cryptic shot, she added a lengthy caption explaining her situation:
“Everyone has been wondering who my baby’s father is, so i decided to finally fill you guys in,” Kailyn wrote.
“It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but I actually don’t have the answer to that question.”
Kailyn says she downloaded Tinder after getting divorced from Javi Marroquin, and she “never quite mastered the art of swiping left.”
“I was planning to wait until the baby arrived to sort it out,” Kailyn wrote.
Explaining that she hadn’t planned to rely on traditional methods of paternity testing, she instead worked out her own method:
“Like, it’s gotta be one of a few dudes, right? I figured if the baby was really good at producing TV segments, I’d just assume it was J.C. Cueva.”
“If he showed an early talent for entering other people’s homes without permission, then that would prove the kid is Javi’s.”
Sounds like iron-clad reasoning to us!
Kailyn says she had her mind made up to just wait it out, but pressure from fans led her to recruit some top talent in order to get to the bottom of the mystery.
“You guys win! I’m sick of everyone taking guesses when I don’t even know the answer myself,” the 25-year-old wrote to fans.
Never one to let a personal obstacle pass without capitalizing on a potential side hustle, Lowry’s making the most of this one.
“So I’ve decided to go on Maury, where I’ll reveal the results of a pre-natal paternity test.”
This sounds like an all-out ratings bonanza waiting to happen, because the potential candidates will reportedly all be on hand.
“All 11 potential dads will be on the show, and they’ve been working on some dope dance routines for when they find out they’re not the dad.”
“Unfortunately, one guy won’t get to show off his moves!”
We’re not really sure how to process this. It’s a lot to take in.
Does Kailyn really not know who the father of her third child is?
Is she actually going on Maury?
Did we just make this whole thing up as an elaborate April Fools’ joke?
We think you know the answer to that last question.
#FakeNews
Mama June: See Her FINAL Weight Loss Reveal!!!
Before we get started, you might want to have a seat somewhere comfortable, take a few moments to collect yourself, and perhaps fetch some smelling salts or phone a friend, because this right here is going to leave you weak.
Last night, the finale of Mama June: From Not to Hot aired. And you know what that means?
It means that now know what June looks like as a size four, without her "turkey neck" and "bat wings" and with all the rest of her extra skin removed.
And she looks incredible.
In this clip from the show, Mama June explains that she"s worked her ass off — literally, y"all, you"ll see — and "now it"s like everything"s coming full circle."
"I"m becoming the person on the outside that I felt like it was on the inside."
Well, those are the words she says, but we"re pretty sure you"re not going to be listening.
She"s still Mama June, don"t get us wrong — there"s that thick Georgia accent, that same trademark June attitude, and she"s still responsible for unleashing Honey Boo Boo on the world.
And, you know, there was that whole "dating a child molester" thing.
But while we"ll never be Mama June"s biggest fans, there"s no denying that she put in a ton of work to get where she is today.
There"s also no denying that she looks phenomenal.
Check out Mama June"s brand new look in the clip below:
Adam Lind to Farrah Abraham: Let"s Make a Sex Tape Sequel!
Adam Lind and Farrah Abraham are the two most ridiculous creatures to crawl out of the cess pool that is the Teen Mom franchise, and now it seems they’re planning to join forces.
Or at least one of them would very much like to collaborate with the other on a new kind of project that will certainly not be SFM (Safe For MTV).
Adam offered Farrah an interesting business opportunity today, but instead of shooting her an email, he decided to make his offer publicly, on Instagram:
“So I was using my vibrating plastic mold of Farrah’s va-jay-jay today (Don’t judge me, haters!), and I had a great idea,” Lind wrote.
“Farrah, you and me should smash on camera, girl!”
Yes, it seems Lind was feeling inspired by his use of Farrah’s vagina mold and decided he’d like to try the real thing on for size.
But it’s not just her body that he’s interested in – it’s her brand.
Years after its release, Farrah’s sex tape remains a best-seller for Vivid, and insiders say it’s still a major source of revenue for the 25-year-old.
Clearly, Lind wants a piece of that action for himself:
“That’s right, y’all, I’m talking about a Farrah Abraham-Adam Lind sex tape,” he wrote.
Then, in one of his signature displays of egomania, he launched into an elevator pitch worthy of the most the most coke-addled screenwriter:
“This thing is gonna be huge, y’all!” Lind wrote. “And yes, I’m talking about the movie, not my D!!!1! Lmfaoooooooo!!!!
“Like, me and Farrah – that’s like a classic matchup, like Mayweather-Pacquiao, or some sh-t.”
“Only difference is, when we go at it, ain’t nobody gonna be left standing, ya feel me?!”
Adam went on to suggest that the footage debut on pay-per view and feature special effects from James Cameron.
“I mean, me gettin’ my smash on is a beautiful thing in its own right,” he said, modest as always.
“But it would be like much more beautifuller with like a crazy Avatar jungle background or if my dong changed colors or some sh-t, nahmean?”
Lind seemed undeterred by the fact that there’s already a rumored girl-on-girl sequel to Farrah’s sex tape in the works.
“That sh-t is wack, fam,” Lind argued in what was really just an incredibly long Instagram post.
“You gotta step your game up for a sequel, and the only way to do that is with the the tattooed wang of Adam f–kin Lind!”
“Without that, it would be like T2 without the liquid metal homie, or Ghostbusters 2 without Viggo the Carpathian. Remenber Viggo?”
“That sh-t gave me nightmares, dog, for real.”
“What was I talking about?” Adam concluded, back to the topic at hand. “Oh, yeah, Farrah, you should lemme hit it on camera, girl. Hmu.”
Of course, this was just a really long April Fools’ joke, and Adam didn’t really write any of that, but don’t lie – you totally bought it, right?
Honestly, we almost started believing it too by the end. Tell us you can’t picture this perfectly trashy collaboration happening.
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