If you have any interest in the game of “which pale Brit is playing the role of Taylor Swift’s arm candy today?” then you’ve probably already heard that Taylor is dating Joe Alwyn.
Like Tom Hiddleston, Calvin Harris, and Harry Styles before him, Joe is a pasty young lad from the UK.
Unlike those other blokes, he’s not really famous in his own right, so there’s no risk that Joe will outshine Taylor or team with one of her celebrity rivals.
It’s a match made in Superficial Heaven!
The official story from Camp Swifty is that Taylor has “learned from her past relationships” and thus decided to move to slowly and keep things on the down-low with Joe.
That lie served it’s intended purpose for about a week, but now there’s a whole slew of pesky facts getting in the way of the “mature, world-weary Taylor” narrative.
For instance, we learned yesterday that Alwyn and Swift are moving in together.
Now, to us, that doesn’t sound like taking things slow, especially when moving in together requires one person to relocate to another continent.
(It’s Joe who will be leaving his home to move in with Taylor, obvi.)
Unless, of course, they’ve actually been together much longer than they’re letting on.
A clearly Taylor-approved source spoke to People magazine this week, and she may have revealed more than she intended to about Taylor’s relationship timeline:
“Taylor has been insanely private about her relationship with Joe,” the insider says.
“She wanted to get to know him without any chaos. She has learned from the past.”
The insider adds:
“Joe’s a very normal, down-to-earth guy. He’s private and low-key.”
And now that the relationship is public, the Taylor surrogate claims, “they’re on the same page on how to handle the attention.”
The tipster stopped just short of saying they rode unicorns over a rainbow on their first date, a la Ron Burgundy and Veronica Corningstone.
Unfortunately, like Kellyanne Conway on a Sunday morning talk show, the Taylor talk piece got cocky and screwed up when it came time to confirm some details:
Asked if Taylor and Joe were already dating when they were spotted at a Kings of Leon concert (RIP, Kings of Leon Being Cool: 2003 – 2017) back in October, the source replied in the affirmative.
That would mean they were officially dating just weeks after Taylor broke up with Tom Hiddleston.
And of course, there’s no saying how soon Taylor and Joe started hooking up before they made it official.
Guess she’s shaking off relationships faster than ever these days.
