If you’ve been watching Vanderpump Rules recently, then you know the season’s most compelling storyline revolves around the doomed relationship between Scheana Marie and Rob Valletta.
Now, before we go any further, it’s important to note that sometimes, reality stars become the victims of bad editing and are portrayed in a fashion that’s inconsistent with their real life behavior.
But that’s not what happened with Scheana.
It couldn’t have happened with Scheana.
Unless she was forced to read scipted lines at gunpoint, or what we’ve seen this season is a flalwess CGI rendering of Scheana, then those words really formed in her brain and came out of her mouth.
Which means the aspiring pop star went through a period of time in which she was deeply, troublingly obsessed with Rob Valletta.
Fortunately, Valletta got out before coming home to find an al denté pet rabbit waiting for him on the stove.
Yes, Rob dumped Scheana just a few months into the relationship that she was so sure would end in marriage.
(Homegirl even named their future kids after a few weeks of dating, which we’re pretty sure is literally a scene from that movie where Kate Hudson tries to scare off a pre-McConnaissance McConaughey.)
The breakup didn’t surprise anyone, but the fact that Rob hasn’t since changed his name and relocated to the Alps is downright shocking.
Not only has Rob decided to roll the dice by remaining in the States, he’s even been openly discussing his breakup on social media.
Fortunately, Rob is aware that the first rule of dealing with potential psychopath is “don’t say anything that might set them off.”
Asked by a fan if he’s happy he broke with Scheana, Rob went the diplomatic route, replying:
“No one is ever happy when they break up with anyone if they truly care.”
That’s good. This dude might have to give up his career in TV wall-mounting to run for office.
Rob was considerably more terse (and less truthful) when asked if he believes Scheana was obsessed with him.
Rob replied simply, “No.”
He went on to dash any hopes for a reconciliation, however, saying that he rarely speaks with Scheana these days.
Asked about The Divorce Closet, the website that he planned to launch with Scheana that would enable divorced couples to sell their items online, Rob said he’s planning to ahead with the project, but Scheana has chosen not to invest.
Sadly, he didn’t answer any questions about why the hell divorced couples can’t just sell their sh-t on eBay.
Watch Vanderpump Rules online to relive Rob and Scheana’s tumultuous (and often terrifying) relationship.
