If you’ve been anywhere near an Internet-capable device in the past six months, then you’ve surely heard the jokes about what a used-tampon-and broken-glass salad 2016 has been.
In fact, we’ve officially reached the point at which jokes about how awful 2016 is have made the list of awful things about 2016.
Of course, that’s not to say the criticism is unwarranted. Far from it.
By any measure, this has been a horrendous trip around the sun, and we’re all worse off for having endured it.
Obviously, one of the most apparent ways in which 2016 sucked out loud is the staggering number of celebrity deaths it bore witness to.
Thousands took to social media to jokingly ask Santa for a moratorium on beloved entertainers dropping dead, but sure enough, 2016 just waved an admonishing Dikembe Mutumbo finger in our collective faces.
On Christmas Day, George Michael died at 53.
Two days later, Carrie Fisher passed away at the age of 60.
In case there was any doubt that this year was based on a treatment written by George R.R. Martin, Fisher’s mother, Debie Reynolds, died the next freakin’ day.
All of this, of course, comes at the end of the year in which David Bowie, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Merle Haggard, Alan Rickman, Harper Lee, and dozens of other artists, athletes and entertainers all shuffled off the mortal coil.
Thankfully – and remarkably – some of our most senior icons survived 2016.
Queen Elizabeth II is still with us.
Keith Richards still has a few years left on his contract with the devil.
And Betty White is still kicking ass as she approaches her 95th birthday.
Now, having witnessed the brutality of 2016 firsthand, one man is fighting to make sure that Betty stays golden for the remainder of this bloodbath of a year.
Earlier this week, South Carolina resident Demetrios Hrysikos launched a GoFundMe page with the goal of raising $ 2,000 to help him “protect” Betty from the ravages of 2016.
Within 24 hours, he raised $ 2,900.
Three days later, he’s raised $ 7,900.
“If she’s OK with it, I will fly to where ever Betty White is and keep her safe till Jan 1 , 2017,” Hrysikos writes.
Demetrios has allowed for the fact that Ms. White may not want “a strange Greek standing guard outside her door,” and has promised to donate all of the proceeds to the Spartansburg Little Theatre in the event that Betty declines his services.
“2016 has taken so many great artists, and SLT helps support and nurture new budding talent in our town,” Hrysikos explains.
“I’d like to think that Betty, Carrie [Fisher], and [David] Bowie would be happy with any proceeds going to that cause, which I assure you it will!”
Naturally, there have been some skeptics, with some going so far as to call the campaign a “scam.”
Eh. We understand the concern, but as long as the money winds up where Hrysikos has said it will, we have no problem with what he’s doing.
Hell, anyone who’s able to find a silver lining in the noxious mushroom cloud that is 2016 has our full support.
