Hollywood is filled with actors and actresses who were born into lives of privilege and rode the wave of nepotism all the way to A-list careers, but have still managed to convince themselves they did it all on their own and can totally relate to the peasant characters they play on screen.
Obviously, no one has mastered this sort of self-delusion quite like Gwyneth Paltrow, who encourages people to clean their asses with $ 956 wipes (seriously), yet wants us to pity her for that time in the early ’90s when she had to pay for a Frappuccino with quarters.
The sad thing, the GOOPster used to not give a gluten-free sh-t what you thought about her.
She’d make hilariously out-of-touch comments about working moms all while running her frou-frou lifestyle company into the ground just to see what she could get away with.
Then she’d compare negative Internet comments to PTSD suffered by combat veterans, presumably while cackling over a cup of organic, fair trade chai made from leaves that have passed through the digestive tract of a three-toed sloth who gets daily Reiki massages.
But now, it seems like Gwyneth might be planning to run for office, because she’s actively trying to convince the commoners that her struggles are just as real as theirs – hers just take place in jeans that cost more than your house.
In her latest interview with Glamour admits that even her father, the late, iconic producer Bruce Paltrow, basically thought she was full of sh-t:
“I remember my dad once sat me down when I was 25 or 26. I was in the middle of this storm of success, and my dad was like, ‘You’re getting weird,"” Paltrow says.
“I was like, ‘Oh my God, I am. Oh, sh-t.’ I mean, I got it. I thought I was so awesome for a minute. He was like, ‘Let’s stop this bullsh*t now."”
Yes, she expects us to believe that she’s now stopped thinking she’s awesome. Even more hilarious, however, is the fact that Gwinnie wants us to think she gives a rat’s ass what us average folk think:
“Sometimes I’ll get annoyed if someone’s like, ‘Goop is so expensive’. I’m like, ‘Have you looked at the website? Have you seen the range of price points?
“‘Cause we sell things that are $ 8.’ I’m like, ‘If you want to f–k with me, bring your A-game. At least have all your information."”
Yeah, don’t f–k her with, poor people!
Gwyneth took the food stamp challenge and almost lasted a full day once. So she’s been poor, but have you been rich? She didn’t think so:
“I went to UC Santa Barbara, and when I quit to try to be an actress, my dad was like, ‘That’s great, but I’m not gonna help you.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, right.’ And he was like, ‘No, I’m not.’ So I got an apartment with a roommate; I worked as a hostess at a restaurant.
“I would scrounge quarters to buy Starbucks—and walk there to save gas. I remember once asking my dad for money, like, ‘Please, I’m really stuck. Can you help?’ And he said, ‘You’re more than welcome to come over for dinner.’ That was it.”
So there you have it. Gwyneth has totally been on her own – walking and paying with cash like some sort of refugee.
So don’t tell her she doesn’t know what it’s like to be poor, or she will totally have her krav maga instructor hop in a golf cart and remove you from the property.
