Thursday, June 16, 2016

Dad Leaves VERY Detailed List of Instructions for Babysitter


Better safe than sorry, right?


This saying can be applied to numerous situations, but perhaps none more appropriate than when it comes to the well-being if your child. 


Take Bryan Elliott, for example.


A software engineer and father from the Philadelphia area, he told The Huffington Post that his wife, Amy, was going through old emails recently when she came across something Bryan once wrote to a babysitter.


She was watching the couple"s son, Jack, for the first time and Bryan wanted to be certain that she was prepared for any situation.


And we mean ANY situation…




1. A Not-So-Quick Primer


A not so quick primer

“I remembered how lost Amy and I were when we brought Jack home on the first day, and figured I should write something detailed and straightforward without being too boring to read,” the dad explained to The Huffington Post.



2. What If He Cries?!?


What if he cries

See… Elliott explains that he was aiming for the “if-then” approach of operating manuals: “Just the idea of looking at an infant as a device — sort of a squishy Tamagotchi — is absurd enough to be funny. And I write a lot of technical documentation for work, so that’s the direction I kind of fell into.”



3. Skills to Remember


Skills to remember

HA! Just shove the binky in his mouth. Nothing to it.



4. Pee vs. Poop


Pee vs poop

Don’t laugh. These are important distinctions.



5. It’s a Dirty Job!


Its a dirty job

But someone has to do it!



6. In Case of Diaper Emergency


In case of diaper emergency

Oh, yes, all parents can attest: this definitely happens.


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Samantha "Sami" Edwards Dies: Former Miss USA Contestant Was 37

Samantha “Sami” Edwards, a former Miss USA contestant from North Dakota, was found dead on Tuesday in her home in Minnesota.


She was just 37 years old.



Investigators are waiting for autopsy results to determine the cause of Edwards’ death, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reported earlier.


A freelance makeup artist, Sami studied at the University of North Dakota and attended the Aveda Institute, a beauty school, in Minneapolis.


She was crowned Miss North Dakota in 2003. 


Her best friend, Miss Minnesota USA 2004, Jessica Dereschuk, created a GoFundMe page to raise money for the funeral expenses.


“[Sami] was one of the most vibrant, crazy, compassionate, loyal balls of energy you could ever come across in your life,” wrote Dereschuk.


“A conversation with her,” Dereschuk recalled of her late friend, “could either leave you full of adrenaline or utterly exhausted.”


“She was a spitfire and with Sami you never knew what she’d throw your way – but you ALWAYS knew she would be there for you.”


“She was awesome like that.”


Dereschuk said the beauty queen was famed for her get-togethers: “She loved to gather people together and feed them and create memories.”


“If you were close to Sami, then I know that you have at least one time, had her famous Spaghetti with Zoodles (zucchini noodles)!”


“Being around food & friends / family is when she was truly the happiest and in her element,” she said of a woman she truly adored.


Earlier this week, the Miss USA Pageant Update Facebook page confirmed the tragic news in a brief message to followers:


“Sad news out of the Peace Garden State today.”


“Rest in Peace Samantha Edwards forever Miss North Dakota USA 2003 who passed away suddenly this morning.”


Edwards’ burial service will be held in her hometown of Grand Forks, North Dakota, according to local media reports.


May she rest in peace.


Samantha "Sami" Edwards Dies: Former Miss USA Contestant Was 37

Samantha “Sami” Edwards, a former Miss USA contestant from North Dakota, was found dead on Tuesday in her home in Minnesota.


She was just 37 years old.



Investigators are waiting for autopsy results to determine the cause of Edwards’ death, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reported earlier.


A freelance makeup artist, Sami studied at the University of North Dakota and attended the Aveda Institute, a beauty school, in Minneapolis.


She was crowned Miss North Dakota in 2003. 


Her best friend, Miss Minnesota USA 2004, Jessica Dereschuk, created a GoFundMe page to raise money for the funeral expenses.


“[Sami] was one of the most vibrant, crazy, compassionate, loyal balls of energy you could ever come across in your life,” wrote Dereschuk.


“A conversation with her,” Dereschuk recalled of her late friend, “could either leave you full of adrenaline or utterly exhausted.”


“She was a spitfire and with Sami you never knew what she’d throw your way – but you ALWAYS knew she would be there for you.”


“She was awesome like that.”


Dereschuk said the beauty queen was famed for her get-togethers: “She loved to gather people together and feed them and create memories.”


“If you were close to Sami, then I know that you have at least one time, had her famous Spaghetti with Zoodles (zucchini noodles)!”


“Being around food & friends / family is when she was truly the happiest and in her element,” she said of a woman she truly adored.


Earlier this week, the Miss USA Pageant Update Facebook page confirmed the tragic news in a brief message to followers:


“Sad news out of the Peace Garden State today.”


“Rest in Peace Samantha Edwards forever Miss North Dakota USA 2003 who passed away suddenly this morning.”


Edwards’ burial service will be held in her hometown of Grand Forks, North Dakota, according to local media reports.


May she rest in peace.


James Corden vs. Kevin Hart: It. Is. ON!

DING! DING! DING!


On The Late Late Show with James Corden on Wednesday night, the British host once again put his rapping skills to hilarious use, taking Kevin Hart on in the latest installment of Drop the Mic.


Introduced a couple weeks ago, this segment finds celebrities going at each other with insults on stage… in rap form.


It all started when Corden slammed Anne Hathaway for being terrible at accents:



That was a pretty strong diss, but it was nothing compared to how Corden and Hart go back and forth in the video below.


"Where is he? There he is? I found you Kevin Hart," Corden opened, referencing the Top Five actor"s miniature stature.


"There are no small actors but you"re all small parts. You"re adorable. Look at this guy. You"re so little when you smoke weed you get junior high."


OOOOHHHH! ZING!


"Get Hard, Ride Along, Ride Along 2, hey you"re great at being in movies with people more famous than you," Corden added.



When it was time for Hart to do his thing, Corden offered him a stool… which the actor angrily turned down.


"James Corden thinks I look like a kid. Well, I might be small but my bank account"s big," Hart rapped.


"I admit people are nice to your face until they get home and realize you"re not Ricky Gervais…


"Carpool Karaoke how long will that last? How do you rap with your head up Lin-Manuel"s ass?"


Your response, James?


"Kevin Hart thinks he got in a zinger, but now you"re going to flop harder than The Wedding Ringer.


"You won"t remember that, his movie with Josh Gad. It"s on Netflix filed under unwatchably bad."


HA! We love it!


Watch these two go at it in full below:


James corden vs kevin hart who dissed whom hardest