We’re living in a golden age of dick pics, friends.
Some day your children will ask you of the time when you couldn’t open a laptop without being confronted by Orlando Bloom’s penis…
…and you’ll say to them, “Verily, the stories are true, and ’twas not just Bloom.”
You’ll speak to them of the day when Justin Bieber’s dick pics were received with awe and reverence, like the Ten Commandments of dongs.
And you’ll tell them of the occasion when 50 Cent unleashed his mighty wrath, for the producers of his show he stars on didn’t tell him his wang was gonna be on TV:
Yes, apparently that’s 50 Cent’s penis.
Or his “magic stick,”as he likes to call it.
For our readers under 30, Fiddy dropped a guest verse on a Lil Kim song about penises called “Magic Stick.”
Come to think of it, “Lil Kim song about penises” might be redundant.
Anyway, the important thing is, 50 is pissed about his dick being out there, because his aunt might it see it. Seriously:
“So now my auntie G can’t watch Power cuz my dick debuting tonight,” 50 wrote on Instagram.
“SMH you motherf–kers. I wish somebody say some stupid sh-t right now, I am KANAN motherrf–ker, try me.”
Kanan is 50’s character on the show, but it might also be his name for his penis.
The weird part is (Well, this whole damn thing is weird, but you know what we mean.), in an interview with TV Guide (apparently still a thing) last month, the rapper said he was downright stoked about showing the world his 50 Cent piece:
“My penis is going to debut!” he excitedly told the mag.
“I don’t give a f–k. First it was supposed to be darker [after footage was edited.] You couldn’t see it on the screen. [A producer ] was like, ‘I gotta show you! When you put it on the screen, you can see it.’ I don’t care.”
Mixed signals from Fiddy, but we’ll let it slide.
Between getting arrested for cursing and “accidentally” bullying a disabled teen, it hasn’t been the greatest summer for his public image.
We can’t blame him for trying to save face – or penis, as the case may be.
