In addition to holding the world record for touching her own hair the most times in a single on-screen performance, Kristen Stewart has been known to dabble in modeling.
It makes sense, as runway shows are the only place where she’s actually the least sulky person in the room.
Unfortunately, K-Stew’s career may be in danger, as influential designer and Vampire King, Karl Lagerfeld, has reportedly deemed her too fat to wear his ridiculous clothing in public.
Yes, a source tells Star magazine that a “certain high-end designer” (read: Lagerfeld) has warned Kristen that she needs to “get into shape” or risk losing her contract.
“Kristen feels like she shouldn’t have to work out, since she’d rather smoke cigarettes than eat anyway,” one insider hilariously explains.
“But she’s not 19 anymore and if she wants to be the face of a luxury brand, she needs to keep up with the Hollywood standard, which is toned, healthy body.”
This all comes as a shock to us, as we were under the impression that Kristen’s diet consists entirely of her own lower lip.
Plus, we’ve seen Kristen Stewart naked, and the girl is nothing if not toned.
Even more surprising than this reminder that the fashion world is full of douche-heads is the revelation that Kristen still smokes cigarettes.
We knew she smokes weed, but that’s less harmful than tobacco. Of course, you have to contend with the munchies, but…
A-ha! It’s all coming together. We’re throught the looking glass here, people.