Well, it’s over.
After 18 months of non-stop barnstorming, mud-slinging and p-ssy-grabbing, the 2016 presidential campaign can finally pack it in and leave the rest of us to start the healing process.
Sure, Election Day is nearly a month away, but any pundit worth his salt will tell you it’s all over now that Farrah Abraham has announced her endorsement.
Yes, in news that’s sure to shock absolutely no one who’s acquainted with Farrah and her IQ, Ms. Abraham believes the human throbbing forehead vein himself, Donald Trump (aka Donnie Vadge Grabber), should be the next President of the United States.
Farrah made her announcement last night via every freakin’ social media platform, because apparently she shares her candidate’s fondness for late-night posts, and she’s under the mistaken impression that the world was desperately awaiting her political insights.
Interestingly, the footage of Trump boasting about acts of sexual assault that’s alienated so many others seems to have cemented the Teen Mom star’s position.
We don’t understand why, but in fairness, we’re guessing Farrah doesn’t either.
Perhaps it’s because, like Farrah, Trump is obsessed with sex tapes.
Or maybe she likes the idea of a fellow dumbass going from reality star to leader of the free world.
Whatever the case, Farrah took to Snapchat last night to announce her endorsement of Trump.
She then took to Twitter and Instagram to say the same damn thing, because she really believes her followers give a sh-t who she’s voting for.
Naturally, Farrah backed her position with a thorough outline of the ways in which she believes Trump’s tax plan and hard-line stances on immigration and trade partnerships will affect the US economy.
Just kidding, she encouraged her followers to “Grab life by the p–sy, b-tches!” and called the Clinton family rapists.
Yes, the entire Clinton family:
“STFU about Trump and see the rapist Clinton family,” Farrah captioned her snap.
We’d love to know what Farrah means when she tells us to “see” the Clinton family, but our Farrah-to-English interpreter is currently being talked off the ledge of a tall building.
On Twitter, Farrah wrote:
“After watching the #debate it’s clear @realDonaldTrump is going to be the best option @HillaryClinton I approve this message & tweet @3am”
Sounds like someone watched Bill Maher this weekend and said, “I can do the political funny!”
We like to imagine that when Farrah tweets that little Microsoft Word paper clip pops up and says, “Looks like you’re trying to … actually, I have no idea what in the actual f–k you’re trying to do.”
It seems that Farrah is breaking with her mom and on-again, off-again boyfriend Simon Saran in endorsing Trump.
Debra has been an outspoken critic of Trump’s, while Saran seems to be of the mind that both candidates are wrong for America.
When Teen Mom producer Morgan J. Freeman recently joked that he’d like Edward Snowden to steal the long-rumored Trump “n-word” tapes and expose them to the world, Saran bit the hand that feeds him, tweeting:
“That’s illegal! Kind of like the drugs the teen mom cast do on the show!”
Some high and mighty talk coming from a guy who dates Farrah freakin’ Abraham.
Before today, at least we could say, “Hey, it’s not like she supports Trump, or anything!”