Friday, January 20, 2017

Johnny Manziel: I Was a Drunk Douche, But I"m Better Now!

Oh, Johnny Football.


Today we saw the 45th President of the United States get sworn in and immediately start talking about carnage and tombstones, yet, you, Mr. Manziel, may have blessed us with even more bizarre quotables.


That’s talent!


If you’re a football fan, then you’re probably aware that after showing tremendous promise in college, Johnny Manziel’s NFL career flamed out in epic fashion and the Heisman Trophy winner was eventually drummed out of the league as a result of his substance abuse and legal scrapes.






(The fact that he was playing football very, very poorly didn’t help either.)


Like Ryan Leaf before him, it wasn’t long after Manziel was drafted that he proved his real talent wasn’t football – it was f–king up.


Whether he was getting spotted using cocaine in Vegas or getting involved in a massive brawl with fans, Manziel quickly the embodiment of the universe’s hatred for Cleveland Browns fans.


Manziel’s nadir came when he a former girlfriend claimed that he assaulted her and threatened to commit suicide during a nightmarish drinking binge.


Shortly thereafter, Manziel was cut by the Browns.



In June of last year, despite not even being signed to a team, Manziel was suspended by the NFL for violating the league’s substance abuse policy.


That move was essentially the nail in the coffin of the 24-year-old’s brief career, and it seems like these days, just about everyone has given up on Johnny Manziel.


Except, of course, for Johnny Manziel.


Yesterday, the troubled QB launched a comeback your that began with a simple (and frankly, hilarious) tweet:


“No lie.. I was a douche in 2016 I’m just trying to be a good PERSON again#LostInTheSauce,” Manziel wrote.



He followed that up with an email interview with ESPN, in which he made it very clear that he’s serious about returning to football:


“I refuse to let my entire life of sports from the age of 4 be squandered by partying. I just got sick of it. One day I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror and realized I could really help people in the position I’m in,” Manziel wrote.


“I love sports, I love football and when you take something away from yourself you realize it the hard way.”


He added:


“The happiness from doing it sober has been ASTRONOMICAL. Beyond my wildest imagination and once that continued other good things started happening in my life and it just clicked.”



Asked about his plans for the future, Manziel stated that he only has one goal in mind:


“PLAY FOOTBALL. A pre season game, anything I don’t care what it is. Only need one team to believe in me and I’ll do anything to make that a possibility.”


Unfortunately, NFL analysts remain skeptical as Manziel has refused to seek any professional help for his apparent addictions.


We wish him the best, but unless he’s ready to give his potential coaches what they’re looking for, we’re afraid Johnny Football will continue to be a man who fails to live up to his memorable nickname.


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