Virginity may just be a social construct, but discussing how you lost it can be awkward enough when you’re just playing a drinking game with buddies.
It’s considerably more awkward when you’re famous and being interviewed.
But Colton Haynes, who only officially came out as gay last year, opened up about his first time — and it is not what you’d expect.
Recently, Colton Haynes did a SiriusXM interview with Andy Cohen, who inquired if Colton was a “gold star gay” — a kind of controversial term meaning that he’d never had sex with a girl.
Colton clarified that over the course of his life, he’s slept with four different girls — starting with his very first time.
“I lost my virginity at 13 to a girl and a guy.”
While some degree of sexual activity isn’t uncommon in middle school, that sort of scenario is pretty rare.
Also he definitely hadn’t mentioned that publicly before.
“I’ve never said that before. The girl was two years older than me, and the guy was, I would say, around 16.”
We know that technically that’s just a few years apart and that they were all teenagers … but that age difference makes us cringe in ways that it wouldn’t if he’d been 14 and hooked up with a 17-year-old fellow high schooler, you know?
“It was a real first time. It was exciting.”
Now, three people hooking up sounds like a threesome, but Colton clarifies that it wasn’t, although “everyone participated.”
Of threesomes, he says:
“We’ve all had them, but it wasn’t that time.”
Colton went on to describe a pattern where he’d move somewhere, immediately find a girlfriend — since he’s shockingly attractive, though that’s not how he explained it — and then only later work up the courage to come out … only for his family to move again.
But, as he commented to Andy, he’s broken that pattern and is living his best life.
We’re trying to wrap our heads around three people participating in sex without it being a threesome.
Maybe we’re just lacking creativity, but all that we can conclude is that someone involved — maybe Colton — was a “Lucky Pierre.”
(That’s just a goofy term for when one person’s the center of attention while the other two in a threesome essentially ignore each other)
But that would still 100% be a threesome, so … we’re kind of at a loss.
Maybe Colton has a really strict definition of what constitutes a threesome?
Studies have shown that sexual activity tends to start increasing around age 12, which makes sense, as that’s when puberty starts, but it also makes a lot of parents uncomfortable.
And Colton’s parents were clearly very uncomfortable with their son’s sexuality, though we’re sure that they didn’t know all of the details.
As for his comment about threesomes, we would have agreed that everybody’s had them, but it’s not true.
Amber Rose didn’t have her first threesome until relatively recently — and apparently didn’t enjoy it.
If one of the most sex-positive folks out there doesn’t have them, then people who’ve never had them probably shouldn’t feel bad.
It’s not actually uncommon for gay guys, even those who come out relatively young like Colton, to have hooked up with girls, especially when they were younger.
Factors like denial, self-loathing, social pressure, a desire to remain closeted, politeness, close friendships, and just the general weirdness of teenage hormones can lead to a lot of that.
A big part of that is society’s homophobia. Another big part of that is just heteronormativity, where everybody assumes that people are straight by default.
Like those gross baby shirts that say “ladies man” that people put on their babies for unknowable reasons.
As for hooking up at such a young age, that has a huge deal to do with personal preference, bravery, what sorts of parents are involved, and a lot of luck.
Colton was closeted for the longest time, even though we sort of always knew.
Like, not just with gaydar — though that’s how we knew when he was on The Gates, which is where we first saw him.
We’d seen old photos of him from his modeling days circulated on Tumblr, circa when he was on Age-Appropriate Wolf Teen Wolf, and some of them were him hanging out with a boyfriend.
And then he was on Arrow and we kept forgetting that he wasn’t out yet. And then he was off Arrow for a while, and then he came out.
And now he’s so, so much happier.
He’s living honestly as himself and that’s exactly the recipe for contentment.
In fact, he’s now engaged.
For a guy who was told from day one in Hollywood that he “couldn’t be gay” or he wouldn’t get work, he’s come a long way from depression spirals and general misery.
