If you’re not familiar with Tila Tequila … well, then you may want to stop reading now.
You’re definitely better off living the rest of your life in blissful ignorance of this pint-sized demon lady.
However, if you’re already unfortunate enough to be familiar with Tila’s racist, hateful way of life, then you might as well stay informed about this long national nightmare.
As you may already know Tequila welcomed a child back in 2014, which is an odd phrase for a number of reasons.
Now, it seems there’s another worm in the bottle … or something.
“The Lord God has blessed me with baby #2!!!!!” Tila wrote on her official Facebook page today.
“Praise the Father in Heaven for He is merciful and graceful! I give glory to Him every day.”
Yes, Tila is as racist and seemingly mentally ill as ever, but she’s also super into God these days.
As a result, her birth announcement sounded like something Samuel L. Jackson would say after taking a bite of your Big Kahuna burger:
“May all the blood of the saints be brought to justice for the time has come! The time hath come for our Father God in heaven to reveal himself to us!” Tila wrote.
“The time hath cometh when great hailstones of fire and brimestone will shoot across the heavens down to the earth to smite every wicked tongue that has cursed his name!”
Needless to say, Ms. Tequila is extremely stable these days and there’s no reason to be deeply concerned by the fact that she’ll soon be responsible for the health and safety of two children.
She went on to reveal that she was targeted for death by the Illuminati and warn her haters that they’ll soon be struck down by Jesus:
“They tried to kill me in 2012 but Jesus brought me back to life and now all the illuminati fear me because my God is mighty!!!” Tila wrote.
“Meanwhile, I find it hilarious how all the haters have been calling me ‘fat’ and telling me that God is going to punish me for the things I have been saying and always trying to send curses my way,” she added.
“But God took all your wretched curses and turned them into huge blessings for me instead!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!”
You have to appreciate the deftness with which she alternates between ultra-basic Valley girl and dude who filled the food pantry of his backyard bomb shelter with nothing but Bibles and AR-15s.
Anyway, um … congrats to Tila – and best of luck to her future son or daughter.