You know how Jared Fogle lost his appeal? Well, the disgraced former sandwich spokesperson is trying a new strategy.
This time, he’s filed new documents that name … Donald Trump.
Is he trying to wrangle a pardon?
The New York Post reports that Jared Fogle called on Donald Trump in his latest bid for freedom.
This week, Fogle filed a write of habeas corpus.
Despite sounding like a Harry Potter spell, it literally just means “move the body.” It’s classic legal jargon.
Which means that he is claiming that he is being unlawfully detained.
Fogle claims that his 2015 guilty plea was unlawful … because it included a conspiracy charge that he believes was unwarranted.
This isn’t his first attempt to claim that he shouldn’t be in prison, and it won’t be his last.
The twist this time … is that in addition to naming the judge in his case and the warden of his prison, he also named Donald Trump.
Jared Fogle is a former spokesperson who is now serving a 15-year sentence for the distribution of child pornography.
Donald Trump is a reality star who is, like it or not, the current President of the United States.
Despite that, they do have some things in common:
Both are associated with fast food.
Both are over 6 feet in height.
Both were mildly interesting public personalities about a decade ago but now you wouldn’t leave them alone with your or anyone else’s daughter under any circumstances.
None of that, however, explains why Jared would name-drop Trump on his paperwork.
The New York Post speculates that Fogle is feeling desperate.
Donald Trump is famously capricious, and may say or do anything on a whim regardless of what his advisors or the American people or common sense might say about it.
Could it be that Jared Fogle is hoping that Trump might buy into his argument that his prison sentence is some sort of government overreach and that he deserves to be free?
He is imprisoned on Federal charges, and so his crimes are within Trump’s power to pardon.
Even in these mad years of the Trump administration, that would be a … sensational and shocking move.
Regardless of what the former Subway spokesman hoped to gain by naming Donald Trump, a magistrate shot down his paperwork.
Specifically, the magistrate says that his documents are missing some details.
Jared has 30 days to submit a revised version … that does not mention any orange Presidents.
You may recall that Jared tried to appeal in 2016 by arguing that his sentence was unfairly long and therefore too harsh for his crimes.
He lost.
It’s not really a surprise that Jared is trying everything. For one thing, he has nothing but time on his hands.
For another, he was brutally beaten in the prison yard just two years ago. Since then, he’s been reportedly paying for protection, but that cannot come cheaply.
Even though he’s reviled across the country, he would of course prefer to be just another disgusting human being walking free than to be behind bars.
But trying to get Trump’s attention isn’t likely to work. Besides, Trump is a little busy golfing, working at least an hour a day, and enjoying his miserable marriage.
But, hey, maybe he’ll tweet about Jared at 5am, for whatever that’s worth. We’ll see.
