Friday, October 16, 2015

19 Total and Complete Twitter Fails


LOL? More like… What the Hell?!?


The following Twitter messages do often invoke loud laughter, but they also invoke pure consternation and depressing over the state of our fellow human beings.


Yes, Internet users really did write the following things for public consumption:




1. Ouch! Total Burn!


Ouch total burn

Well partial burn. Chlamydia actually begins with a C. But whatever. Details, right?



2. This Would Be Profound..


This would be profound

… if the person had written “wounds” instead of “wombs.” Those two words mean very different things.



3. This is Simply Untrue


This is simply untrue

Sorry, @lanadelcunt. Back to fourth grade for you.



4. It Could Be Worse, Right?


It could be worse right

You could be going through menopause.



5. But Misery Hates It!


But misery hates it

It’s the Show Me State, so why not?!? Show Missouri some company, people!



6. So, Like, in a Factual Way?


So like in a factual way

Such as: That person over there, he or she is a… nevermind.


View Slideshow

Jenny McCarthy Wants to Be the Final Nude Playboy Centerfold

Earlier this week, Playboy announced that it will cease publishing nude photos in response to the fact that there are roughly 400 bajilllion hours of hardcore pornography available for free online. 


Hef and company rightly feel that heavily-airbrushed nudes of barely legal strivers and washed-up TV actresses just don’t carry much appeal in a world where HD videos of people acting out your most depraved fantasies are just a Google search away.



Many feel that the decision signifies the end of an era.


Others believe believe Playboy is joining the 21st Century much too late and has little chance of remaining relevant in a world where PG-13 men’s mags such as GQ, Esquire and Maxim are already coping with plummeting subscription rates.


Still others are eager to seize what may be their last chance to have their middle-aged boobs photoshopped by the best in the biz.


“There was nothing (in my photoshoot) I felt was too embarrassing, or gross, and nothing that I’m not proud of today. So it kind of breaks my heart that it’s the end of that era,” Jenny McCarthy said during her SiriusXM radio show.


“That we have to lose what I would consider very classy nudity in a magazine… In solidarity, I will be wearing my panties at half-mast… and have maybe one more for the road. I would be totally willing just to take it all off one more time, just to say I’ll be in the last one.”


Given that Jenny is one of the magazine’s most iconic centerfolds, a final photoshoot would be an appropriate way to end The Era of the Outdates Spank Mag.


Still, there’s an irony in hearing the woman who describes Mark Wahlberg’s penis in detail to anyone who will listen prattling on about “classy” nudity like she’s Donald Trump on Molly. 


Speaking of TMI, Jenny went into significant detail in describing the state of her pubes on the occasion of her first shoot:


“When I did my test shoot there I had one uni-brow and a giant bush to my knees, and they were like, ‘You’re in! You’re a girl next door!"”


“They really capture that innocence in the women. There was nothing ever skanky about the photos, I never felt like I was posing in a way that would make my mom disown me.”


Yes, nudity in Playboy may be coming to an end, but you can take heart in the fact that Jenny McCarthy will probably never stop talking about her pubic hair…if that’s your thing.

Lamar Odom Shows Signs of Life as Heart Function Improves!

Some good news out of Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas today, as TMZ is reporting that after nearly three days in a coma, Lamar Odom is showing signs of life.


Hospital insiders say doctors have cautioned that Odom’s chances of recovering remain slim, but they’re encouraged by the fact that his heart is beating on its own and its condition seems to have improved dramatically in just the last 24 hours.



As you’ve probably heard, Odom was found unconscious in his VIP suite at the Love Ranch brothel in Nevada on Tuesday night. 


He has remained in a coma ever since, and yesterday, it was widely reported that Odom had been declared brain dead.


It’s unclear whether those reports were inaccurate, or if Odom was misdiagnosed, but the fact that his heart is beating on its own can be taken as an indication that some brain function remains. 


Unfortunately, several of Lamar’s organs are still badly damaged – possibly beyond repair – and he is still hooked up to a ventilator and a dialysis machine.


Sources say doctors have encouraged visitors to remain as calm and quiet as possible in hopes of maintaining an environment that will be ideal for healing.


We’ll have updates on Lamar’s condition as more information becomes available. 


How to Get Away with Murder Promo: Let"s Get Cray-Cray!

Prepare yourselves, television fans.


According to the following trailer for How to Get Away with Murder Season 2 Episode 5, things are about to get kinky. And twist. And explosive. And, yes, even a little cray-cray.


Simply put, the preview intones, the upcoming episode is "totally, completely insane."


Which is saying A LOT. Because every How to Get Away with Murder episode is totally and completely insane.


What could possibly be on tap for Thursday, October 22? Check out the ABC preview and then be sure to watch How to Get Away with Murder online in case you need to catch up before then.


How to get away with murder season 2 episode 5 teaser