Friday, November 13, 2015

Jennifer Lawrence: I Haven"t Had Sex in So Long My Hymen Grew Back!

Jennifer Lawrence is currently making the media rounds to promote the release of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2, which means she’s offering even more charmingly quirky remarks to the press than usual.



Lawrence’s interview with Vogue has already proven to be a treasure trove of quotable weirdness, and that was before the release of a new excerpt in which J-Law discusses her nonexistent sex life and magical lady parts:


“This is where the maaagic haaaappens.” Jen tells the magazine, while conducting a tour of her house. “Literally zero magic has happened in here…Cheers to my hymen growing back!”


Yes, it’s hard to believe that a woman who can fit dozens of marshmallows in her mouth would ever find herself without a date, but apparently Jen’s gone so long without gettin’ any that the lack of activity is having a Benjamin Button-like effect on her vadge.


Elsewhere in the interview, the 25-year-old actress addresses the topic of those nude Jennifer Lawrence photos that spread across the Internet like wildfire with boobs in August of 2014.


“Have you seen me naked?” she asks her interviewer. 


The guy either didn’t answer or didn’t print his response, but considering there was a brief period last year when you couldn’t open a laptop without a naked J-Law judging you with her eyes, we don’t think she needs to ask anyone else that question.


Kendall Jenner to Kylie: You"re a F-cking B-tch!

Are you ready for a sisterly showdown? Of epic proportions?


E! has released a new sneak peek from Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 11, which gets underway on November 15 at 9/8c, and it features Kendall Jenner getting into a serious, non-physical throwdown with Kylie Jenner.


It’s the sort of fight to which all siblings can relate.


See, the Jenners are getting ready to attend the ESPYs. And Kendall wants to borrow a dress from Kylie. But Kylei does not want Kendall to borrow said dress.


They end up yelling across the giant family mansion, with Kendall concluding the screaming match by saying Kylie is LITERALLY the "biggest f-cking bitch" she has ever met.


Ouch!


Elsewhere this season, fans of this scripted non-reality show can look forward to the following storylines:


  • The family continuing to adjust to Caitlyn Jenner as a woman, which is the reason why Kendall and Kylie are attending the ESPYs in the first place in this clip. Their father is receiving an award for courage there.

  • Scott Disick having to face his alcoholic and partying ways.

  • Kim Kardashian growing ever bigger as she awaits her second child.

  • Khloe Kardashian dating James Harden. It"s unclear at this point whether the Lamar Odom medical crisis will make it into the show, considering how far in advance the series tapes.

Will you be tuning in for the Keeping Up with the Kardashians premiere?


How many more seasons do you think the program has left? Do you still believe it"s somehow real and not as scripted as any sitcom out there?


Check out the seriously intense fight below and sound off on which family member you are most excited to see back in action.


Kendall jenner to kylie jenner youre a f cking b tch

President Obama Assures Veteran: I Am NOT the Lead Singer From Korn!

On Wednesday, the nation celebrated Veterans Day, and numerous public figures took time to thank the men and women of America"s armed forces for their service.


Yesterday, as part of the White House"s week-long tribute to our nation"s troops, President Obama presented Army Captain Florent Groberg with the Medal of Honor – and dropped a bombshell that"s certain to shake the world of American politics to its foundation.


In his speech, Obama shared the following account of the first time he met Groberg:


"He woke up on a hospital bed in a little bit of a haze. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that he was in Germany, and someone was at his bedside talking to him And he thought that it was the lead singer from the heavy metal band Korn.


"Flo thought, "What’s going on? Am I hallucinating?" But he wasn’t, it was all real…And so, today, Flo, I want to assure you that you are not hallucinating. You are actually in the White House, those cameras are on, I am not the lead singer from Korn."


Obviously, this statement is outrageous for a number of reasons.


For one thing, President Obama (if that is your real name), it was your duty to inform the American people that you"re not the lead singer of Korn before we twice elected you to the highest office in the land!


What if those votes were based on your innovative vocal stylings on "Freak On a Leash"?


Also, Korn was really more of a rap-rock outfit than a "heavy metal band."


It"s an important distinction, because – as indicated by the correlation between the release of Ben Carson"s hip hop track and his rise in popularity – the American people want a president who can spit bars, son.


Frankly, we don"t know what to believe anymore.


All this time, Donald Trump"s been calling for Obama"s birth certificate, when all we really needed to do was take note of the President"s conspicuous lack of gold records and shiny Adidas track suits to know we"d been had.


 


 


President obama assures veteran i am not the lead singer from ko

Justin Bieber Performs on Ellen: Watch! Drool!

Justin Bieber Week has come to an end.


In exciting, musical, really handsome fashion!



The 21-year old sensation has appeared opposite Ellen DeGeneres every single day this week, culminating in a mini Justin Bieber concert outside Ellen’s studio in promotion of his new album… which dropped TODAY!


The artist initially sat with the comedian and talked about his penis.


He then surprised some of his biggest fans by meeting them in person and offering them VIP tickets to upcoming shows.


He then announced a world tour for 2016 and even reconciled with Seth Rogen on stage


To celebrate the release of new record today, Bieber concluded his week by treating fans to a live version of “Sorry,” as posted above.


He also put on a performance of “What Do You Mean?”



Tweeted Bieber on Thursday night, showing his appreciation for DeGeneres and also for all of her fans:


“I love @TheEllenShow so much. Thank you for everything you do for me. #BieberWeekOnEllen.”


Bieber’s album is expected to hit number-one, but he’ll be facing some stiff and even equally handsome competition.


Indeed, One Direction also released its brand new album today.


Check out Justin’s two most recent live performances above and then sound off below: Whose record will you purchase first, his or that of One Direction?