There was widespread violent hysteria in the streets of Chicago last night.
And on an unrelated note, the Cubs finally won a World Series after an historic 108-year championship drought.
We kid Chicago, because we love it.
The city has had it’s problems in recent years, but it’s also given us Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Kanye West and the deep dish pizza.
Okay, the quality of those last two is highly debatable.
Let’s focus instead on the Internet’s two favorite things to come out of Chi-Town in the past 24 hours:
Bill Murray celebrating the Cubs’ win, and this WorldStar moment in the parking lot after the game:
Yes, Dexter Fowler’s lead-off home run might have been the night’s most memorable shot (though David Ross’ career-ender gets the sentimental vote), but this low-light is also getting plenty of attention on social media this morning.
We don’t condone violence in any way, particularly the type that’s motivated by something as ultimately inconsequential as a baseball game.
(We mean “inconsequential” in like the grand sense of the sum total of all human experience here, Cubs fans, relax.)
That said, it’s hard not to admire this guy’s form.
Then again, knocking someone out after they’ve just consumed a rain delay + extra innings quantity of stadium beers isn’t really all that impressive.
Normally, we’d give him somewhat of a pass, as we can relate to the frustration of watching your beloved team barely lose a championship game.
(Trust us, we really can.)
But it’s not like Cleveland has been starved for national attention lately.
You guys just came back from being down three games to one to win the NBA championship.
And then you hosted the Republican National Convention!
(Okay that one is sort of a mixed blessing, but at least your economy got a shot in the arm!)
Sure, the Indians haven’t won a World Series in a long, long time, but you’re not really in a position to deserve the nation’s pity right now, Cleveland, and you should be proud of that.
Of course, in fairness, the notion that Chicago is a city of scrappy underdogs that deserves a condescending pat on the head is also BS.
The Blackhawks have won three Stanley Cups just in the 21st Century.
The Bulls were basketball in the ’90s.
Hell, even your other baseball team has already won it all in the 2000s.
On the other hand, the Bears are playing like the Bears, and homey in the Ryne Sandberg jersey got dropped last night.
So we’ll give you this one, Chicago.
But now that the billy goat curse is over, your underdog status is revoked for the next 108 years.