We’ll spare you the usual descriptions of 2016 as a dumpster fire, tire fire, colonoscopy with a power drill, etc., and just say it was a historically crappy year.
Unfourtunately, there’s reason to believe that 2017 won’t be a whole lot better, what with Queen Elizabeth II in failing health and Rapey Chester Cheetah soon to be sworn in as president.
So it’s more important than ever to look for reasons to be optimistic – and our reason of the day is Kylie Jenner’s vacation in Mexico:
Yes, a Kylie vacay means more Kylie bikini selfies.
And that, of course, means another opportunity to marvel at the fact that Kylie inherited her half-sisters’ signature Armenian curves, despite not having any Armenian heritage of her own.
It’s a booty miracle!
Or, it’s just the work of a very profitable cosmetic surgery practice in Calabasas.
Either way, the results look about the same when captured on the ‘Gram:
If Kylie’s butt feels like two halves of a basketball under Saran Wrap, well, that’s Tyga’s issue.
Anyway, there’s no word on how long this vacation will last, but Kylie’s been posting swimsuit photos all week, so it’s a safe bet that it’ll be coming to an end soon.
And frankly, we have a problem with that.
In fact, we may start one of those WhiteHouse.gov petitions while we’re still able to communicate with the government in ways other than waving a white flag at the tank barreling down our street.
It’s not that we want Kylie out of the country – quite the opposite in fact:
We need her to provide Americans with a beacon of hope in these desolate times.
You see, in most of the country, winter is just digging in its heels.
We’ll soon be in league with an evil Russian dictator in ways that peak-Cold War Twilight Zone never could’ve imagined, and soon, Americans might not be able to travel to Mexico without a grappling hook and rock-climbing shoes.
It’s for all these reasons and more that we need Kylie to continue posting bikini photos from a warm climate.
And if she wants to deliver on that Kylie Jenner sex tape, that would be cool, too.
Luh you, girl. Thanks in advance!
