As you’ve no doubt heard by now, the President-elect of the United State’s alleged fondness for golden showers made news last week, thanks to a Buzzfeed News report that Russia had damaging footage showing Donald Trump engaging in some pee play with a pair of Russian hookers.
You know it was a big deal, because the day after the report was released, Trump forgot to postpone his press conference and was forced to actually talk to the reporters he’s been dodging like he used to dodge his creditors.
Of course, instead of shooting down the accusations in a level-headed fashion and addressing other pressing matters, Trump basically just stood next to a pile of blank papers and bellowed “Fake news!” at anyone he disagreed with.
Fortunately, while Trump might be reluctant to discuss the scandal, his comrade from another mom-rade, Brosef Stalin himself, Vladimir Putin, is more than happy to share his thoughts about his nation’s top-notch prostitutes.
Putin is also no big fan of press conferences, but he climbed off his horse and buttoned his Brooks Brothers to speak with reporters at the Kremlin on Tuesday.
Not surprisingly, he defended Trump.
Even better, it seems he’s taking a page from his buffoonish Western counterpart’s playbook, using over-the-top The Onion quotables to gaslight a skeptical electorate.
“I find it hard to believe that he rushed to some hotel to meet girls of loose morals, although ours are undoubtedly the best in the world,” Putin said, when asked about the saucy minxes of Mother Russia.
Putin added that he finds it hard to believe that Trump would have to resort to pausing prostitutes, since the guy’s surrounded by sexy dames all the time:
“[Trump is] a grown man, and secondly he’s someone who has been involved with beauty contests for many years and has met the most beautiful women in the world,” said the Russian president.
“People who order fakes of the type now circulating against the U.S. president-elect, who concoct them and use them in a political battle, are worse than prostitutes because they don’t have any moral boundaries at all.”
So if you’re keeping score at home, our president-elect has been accused of “perverted sexual acts” fourteen times in the last four months, but it’s okay, because the allegedly murderous despot in charge of a hostile foreign power has his back, and thinks our media is a bunch of whores.
And you thought 2016 was ridiculous!
2017’s got a full bladder and it’s all set to hose last year down with a steaming stream of sadness.
