Thursday, June 29, 2017

Kendra Wilkinson is REALLY Bad at Handjobs

Everybody has their “off days,” whether it’s at work or school or in the bedroom.


Most people don’t screw up a simple handjob so badly that they and their partner end up spending their anniversary in the hospital.


But most people aren’t Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett.



So, Kendra Wilkinson is in the Vegas show, Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man.


That sounds like an incredible name for a reality series. …


(Picture it: Like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but with sex instructors giving advice to women in every episode)


(There could even be a celebrity spin-off with guests like Chrissy Teigen — and we know that Chrissy Teigen has some sexual hang-ups)


But it isn’t. It’s a play, and yes, there are multiple semi-famous “handjob” scenes in it that involve a lot of exaggerated motion.


And apparently Kendra Wilkinson threw out her neck in the process.


Leading to her going to the ER.


On her anniversary with Hank Baskett.



Now, she got injected with benzodiazepines and she seems to be okay now, but let’s talk about this is kind of funny.


On the most superficial level, it’s funny that the starring couple on Kendra on Top didn’t get some sort of penile injury from that exact position.


Because that can absolutely happen.


“Broke dick,” as some people refer to it, is a real thing.


So, you know, that would have been awful but made for some spectacular headlines.


But the real, obvious source of humor stems from Hank’s history of having allegedly cheated on Kendra.



Because that alleged cheating was in the form of a handjob.


So, the story goes, Hank Baskett got a handjob from Ava London, a model on whom he’s said to have developed a crush. 


The fallout included a lot of tension in Hank and Kendra’s marriage, for obvious reasons.


It was all over Kendra on Top but also all over Marriage Bootcamp.


There was also some gross discourse as a result, because there always is.


A few bigots suggested that maybe Hank was gay because Ava London is trans.


(Newsflash: trans women are women; hooking up with a trans woman is only gay if you are also a woman)


Hank has claimed that the encounter it was a set-up to extort money from him and also claimed that he was fondled over his shorts against his will.


Uh-huh.


Sure.



Anyway, Kendra and Hank are in a much better place, now.


Despite Kendra’s mom threatening to make more trouble.


We don’t really think that Kendra really bought Hank’s excuses.


But while handjobs can be just as big of a deal as, like, venereal intercourse or whatever in terms of cheating, it makes sense that they’ve moved past it.


That whole situation, though, makes an injury related even to a fake handjob all kinds of hilarious.


Though, let’s be honest — it would be at least a little funny if it happened to anyone.



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