Well, folks, it looks like everyone’s favorite SNL power couple has called it quits.
No, not Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. No, not Colin Jost and Scarlett Johansson. Okay, maybe “everyone’s favorite” was a bit of an exaggeration …
There, that’s the one.
Yes, after just over a year of dating, Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus have broken up.
Rumblings of a split began over the weekend, when Affleck was spotted on a date with Shauna Sexton, a 22-year-old Playboy model.
And today, reps for the actor confirmed that he and Shookus have decided to go their separate ways.
“They are still very amicable and have stayed friends,” a source tells E! News.
“They both tried to make it work, but the distance just proved to be too much for them right now,” the insider adds.
“Family comes first for them both.”
Yes, it’s the usual boilerplate nonsense, and as expected, it isn’t fooling anyone.
We all know what really happened here.
And it’s exactly what we all predicted from the very start of this relationship:
Lindsay is a smart, successful career woman in her late thirties.
She has a child, and those who know her best hold her in high esteem, both as a mom and a TV producer.
She makes sense as a partner for a rich, divorced dad in his mid-forties.
Which is exactly why Ben had to kick her to the curb.
Look, on a long enough timeline, Affleck is eventually gonna Affleck.
He probably woke up one day and remembered that he’s Batman and could easily be banging Playboy models in their early twenties.
Then he went out and did exactly that — possibly getting hammered first in celebration of his newfound freedom.
We all know a guy like Ben:
He recognizes that he needs to change, and he makes occasional half-hearted attempts at progress, but those are quickly abandoned in favor of the behaviors that keep dragging him down.
We suppose it’s to his credit that he keeps trying, but maybe he should sort some things out by himself before he enters another serious relationship.
Poor Lindsay probably never knew that she was more attractive to Ben as an idea than as a person.
