Camilla Parker Bowles to Meghan Markle: Do NOT Marry Prince Harry!

It’s been nine months since we first learned that Prince Harry is dating Meghan Markle, and engagement rumors have pretty much been flying non-stop the entire time.

Based on insider accounts of the situation, we’re guessing Harry will eventually pop the question.

But if Camilla Parker Bowles has her way, Meghan won’t be giving him the answer he wants.

Parker Bowles, as you’re likely aware, is the second wife of Prince Charles.

She reportedly disapproves of Meghan for reasons that remain unclear.

Sources say Camilla has appealed to her husband in an effort to get Harry to call it quits.

Now, she’s trying a different tack and taking her argument straight to the source.

No, she’s not trying to talk Harry out of proposing …

… she’s trying to talk Meghan out of accepting.

We should add that all of this comes from an Australian Yahoo! site, and should this be taken with many grains of salt, but it’s not the first we’ve heard of Camilla looking down her nose at Meghan.

“She told Meghan that she didn’t like her relationship with Harry and that she should think twice before agreeing to his marriage proposal because Camilla was planning to make her life very tough,” a source tells the site.

“She’s long thought Meghan isn’t good enough for Harry and told her that she’s not welcome in the royal family.”

The site claims that Camilla isn’t keen on Meghan for the usual reasons (she’s American; she’s an actress; she stars on a basic cable show that no one watches outside of nursing homes), but there’s an additional reason for her disdain, as well:

Apparently, Meghan was in a two-year relationship with a “celebrity chef” named Corey Vilitello when she met Harry.

She promptly dropped Corey like a hot rock because “prince” beats “celebrity chef,” and Camilla thinks it was the shadiest of moves.

Markle’s own sister has accused her of being a status-obsessed social climber, and while most of her claims have been debunked, it seems Camilla is still riding the anti-Meghan train.

Based on how smitten Harry seems, we doubt Meghan has anything to worry about.

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Prince Charles: Cheating on Camilla Parker-Bowles?!

At 68, Prince Charles rarely grabs tabloid headlines these days, but that may soon change.

His name has been mentioned frequently by the press in recent weeks as a result of concerns about Queen Elizabeth II’s health and speculation that he may ascend to the throne in the very near future.

Of course, he’ll most likely be viewed as a sort of interim monarch between Elizabeth and his son Prince William, which means that in the eyes of history, Charles will be primarily known less for his reign and more for his tumultuous personal life.

As you’re probably aware, Charles has been accused of cheating on his first wife, Princess Diana, many times over the years, and the official denials from Buckingham Palace have slowly diminished into tacit confessions.

Now, a scandalous new biography (Is there any other kind when the royals are involved?) alleges that Charles once carried on an affair behind the back of his second wife, Camilla Parker-Bowles.

In Prince Charles: The Passions and Paradoxes of an Improbable Life, author Sally Bedel Smith claims that Charles was romantically linked to an entrepreneur named Sue Townsend in the early years of his marriage to Camilla.

It’s unclear when the affair ended, but it seems Camilla just learned of the accusations when the book was published.

“[Camilla] is absolutely incensed,” a source close to the situation tells Radar Online.

“She always believed she had Charles very much under her thumb.

“He shared her bed for years, before and during his marriage to Diana — and ignored that she was married to one of his friends, Andrew Parker-Bowles.”

Favoring the tabloid writer dialect so often favored by anonymous sources, the informant goes on to describe the scene that occurred when Camilla first heard the news of Charles’ affair:

“Camilla isn’t shy about showing her feelings — and Charles got the message when she threw an onyx figurine at his head, yelling, ‘How could you cheat on me and humiliate me in public?’” the insider claims.

“Charles tried to tell her it was just a casual friendship, but Camilla didn’t believe a word and hammered her fists on his chest before storming out!”

Charles’ situation and reputation bring to mind one of his predecessors, Edward VII, who ruled for just nine years following the death of his mother, Queen Victoria, who held the throne for an astonishing six decades. 

Of course, Edward has seen a resurgence in popularity, thanks to his decadent bon vivant lifestyle (The man invented a “sex chair” to allow for easier maneuvering with “multiple participants.), and it seems unlikely that Charles is unlikely to enjoy any such appreciative reassessment from future generations.

No, much more probable is that Charles will suffer the same fate as Gregory the Forgotten, a medieval ruler so obscure you probably didn’t even realize we made him up!

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Kate Middleton: Furious Camilla is Finding Prince Harry a Wife?

She’s got her hands full with a toddler and an infant, but “finding wife for Harry” must be written down somewhere in her diary.

The Duchess of Cambridge is apparently fuming that Prince Harry has enlisted the help of his step-mother, the Duchess of Cornwall in a quest to find true love.  

Or a wife.  Whichever comes first.

This is according to Celebrity Dirty Laundry, a site that never ceases to entertain when it comes to fabricated royal stories.

“Prince Harry has turned to stepmother Camilla Parker-Bowles for advice about finding a wife,” the site claims.

“Kate Middleton is livid that Prince Harry is ignoring her advice and has approached her arch rival Camilla for help choosing a Royal bride.”

RUDE!

“The Duchess of Cambridge loves her brother-in-law and wants to see him happy,” the site helpfully points out.

“Sources say she is not going to let Camilla influence Harry’s choice of a Royal bride. An insider says this latest development has ‘sparked a royal war.

You can bet Kate will go all-out to find Harry a bride before Camilla does."”

Right, so in January Harry reportedly admitted to wanting to get married.

“I’m not dating and for the first time ever I want to find a wife,” the prince was believe to have told TV presenter Denise van Outen at a party.

Then it was revealed that he hooked up with American Juliette Labelle over the New Year in Los Angeles.  Now it’s anyone’s guess who Harry is snogging at the moment, and with his upcoming official visit to Nepal, there is no time to fit in a royal wedding by year’s end.

Should Harry need a royal bride at the ready, I volunteer.

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Will and Kate Get The Crown! Camilla Deemed Too Drunk To Rule!

Drunk in-laws, amiright?

In this chapter of “insane royal rumors,” we visit the life and times of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall.  Specifically, her love for the bottle.

According to Celebrity Dirty Laundry, Camilla gets drunk quite often and verbally abuses Prince Charles.  He’s so terrified of her, it’s said, that he won’t even bring up a “long-term inpatient rehabilitation facility” for fear that she’ll somehow beat the crap out of him (personal protection officers be damned!).

“Poor Prince Charles has taken the brunt of Camilla Parker-Bowles verbal abuse if Royal insiders are to be believed,” CDL write.

“The Duchess of Cornwall supposedly gets raging drunk and screams at the Prince of Wales – once telling the heir-to-the-throne to ‘grow a pair and demand his birthright ‘from Queen Elizabeth.”

Camilla’s drunken rants are becoming so bad that the Queen will probs abdicate the throne after her 90th birthday in April, and hand the crown over to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Listen, I’m sure there has been a lushy consort here and there in the grand history of the British monarchy.  You do what any good royal PR office would do and let her dry out in the country.

Also, there is no way on God’s green earth that 1) Her Majesty will abdicate the throne 2) She’ll “skip” Charles in favor of Prince William.

Charles is the rightful heir to the throne, and will become King when his mother passes away.

As for his relationship with Camilla, anyone who knows anything about the royal family can see that he adores her, and vice versa. 

Camilla Makes The Queen Try Botox, Gets "Banished" From The Palace!

I can’t.  I literally CANNOT.

A few of you know that I dabble in royal studies, so I’d like to think I’m a credible source when it comes to separating fact from fiction.

The stories on Celebrity Dirty Laundry never disappointment it when it comes to outrageous rumors, to the point where I think, “Wow.  You guys should write for The Royals.”

Today I came across a story that involved the Queen, the Duchess of Cornwall and Botox.  What a trio!

According to CDL, Camilla is such a fan of Botox that she convinced Her Majesty, who will turn 90 in April, to give it a go.

This is a sovereign who, if feeling ill, will pop two Tylenol and take a brisk walk in the Scottish Highlands instead of a nap.  Volunteering for a Botox injection doesn’t sound like something the Queen would be keen on.

It’s alleged that both Camilla and the Duchess of Cambridge pop round to Dr. Feel Good every now and then to smooth out their wrinkles.

A source claims that “Duchess Camilla believed that passing along this information to Queen Elizabeth would be a great way to claw her way back into Queen Elizabeth’s good graces.”

It appears that Camilla informed the Queen that Botox had “virtually no side effects,” so Her Majesty “ordered the Royal dermatologist” to the palace, who administered a needle here and there over a six-month period.

Well, thanks to Camilla’s helpful advice, Her Majesty can “barely move her jaw to speak. Now, it’s also difficult for [Queen Elizabeth] to chew food. And smiling is out of the question.”

Camilla’s punishment?  “Banished from Buckingham Palace.”

Catherine is reportedly furious at Camilla for causing her granny-in-law pain, but is also psyched because it puts her ahead of Camilla in the non-existent popularity contest.

While I have no idea if Camilla and Catherine get Botox injections, I can’t imagine that the Queen would be convinced to give it a go.  

Her Majesty is not a vain woman, and never has been.  She does her own hair and makeup, was brought up in an era of austerity, and gets countless wears out of her outfits.

Both Camilla and Catherine do get facials from Heaven Skincare founder, Deborah Mitchell, creator of the famous “bee venom mask” that works as a natural face-lift by tightening and cleaning the skin.

Mitchell has called Camilla the “kindest, kindest person.”

Beyond that, it’s anyone’s guess how both royal women treat their face.  

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